They thought I was lazy…when I was just actually autistic

One of my father’s Pearls of Wisdom was that “excuses are for losers”.  Although I find myself agreeing with that statement fairly often, I’m (very) well aware that humans are, well, human, and that we have our limitations.  This is especially true for people on the Asperger’s/autism spectrum.

What complicates matters is that our limitations are different for each of us.  What complicates matters more is that our limitations may change from day to day; what we could accomplish yesterday, we may not be able to do today.  And what makes the situation even worse is that some of those limitations may be invisible, and thus, unknown or unrealized.  This, too, especially true for Aspie/autistic people.

On the surface, we may appear able-bodied and of capable intelligence.

And yet…there are times when our limitations get in the way of something we want or need to do.  We get frustrated with ourselves.  We beat ourselves up.

What we sometimes fail to realize is that there’s a big difference between “excuses” and legitimate “reasons”.  An “excuse” means that I should do something, and I have the capability to do it, but simply don’t want to.  In that scenario, I’m performing sub-par, below my functioning capability.  Example: I could hop over a wall that stands one foot high.  But instead of doing that, I choose to walk along the wall until reaching a break in the wall with level ground, and only then, pass through to the other side.

On the other hand, a “reason” for not doing something implies validity and legitimacy.  In that scenario, I might want to accomplish that task, but those invisible limitations are too great to surmount.  It doesn’t matter that I could have accomplished that task yesterday.  If I can’t do it today, then I can’t.  To carry the “wall” example over and apply it to this situation, imagine that the wall grew eight more feet overnight, and now stands nine feet tall, now towering over me.  I physically can’t hop over that.

Beating oneself up in the second scenario is foolish, because everyone knows the average person of average height can’t scale a wall that high.  No one would chide them for being “lazy”.

Sometimes, some of the people in my life forget about the existence of legitimate “reasons”, and lump every “failure” to do something under the “excuses” category.  That’s because they’re not seeing the invisible nine-foot wall standing between me and what I want or need to accomplish.  It doesn’t help that until less than six months ago, I didn’t know that that nine-foot wall even existed.

A web search of “Asperger’s lazy” yields some pretty frustrating results.  Information is out there, but it’s flat-out wrong.  Even some of my (less-enlightened) fellow Aspies blame themselves and each other for their “laziness”.  And if those Aspies can’t even have compassion for themselves, each other, or the rest of us, then what on earth do allistic/neuroptyical/NT (non-autistic) people think?

Well, they don’t waste time making assumptions.

They come up with their theories without first seeking any input or objective/accurate information whatsoever, and they run with those theories, turning them into stone-etched “fact”.

Like many Aspies, I’ve been accused of laziness.  These accusations came from multiple people, several of whom are closest to me.

That hurts.

Since I believe “knowledge is power”, I’m going to respond to those accusations.  And I have “theories” of my own, only mine aren’t theories; they are fact.  They may not be true for all Aspies, and I won’t claim to speak for anyone but myself (each of us has his or her own voice, after all!), but they are fact for this Aspie.

I might have appeared to be “lazy”.

“Get up; there are chores to do,” they said.

“Let’s get going!  We can’t ‘fax’ you there,” they half-joked.

“Any time now…,” they chided.

“Her grades would be so much higher if she did her daily class work,” they sighed.

“Why are you sitting there, playing with your hair, when you have a deadline coming up?” they asked.  (Truthfully, they didn’t really want an answer.  It was a critical statement, veiled in a question they wouldn’t have listened to my answer to.)

“Where is she going now?,” I’m sure they wondered.

“Earth to [my name]!” they called, from across the room.

They thought I was just “lazy” when actually, at any given time, I might have been…

Deep in thought or contemplation.  Like many Aspies I’ve talked to or read posts from, my brain has a rich internal world, a relentless current of thoughts, memories, ideas, and curiosity.  It’s always connecting dots, dreaming up ideas, picking things apart, analyzing and systemizing.  It never stops.  Physically, I may be sitting there, looking like a bump on a log.  But my brain is busy, so busy that I may not even hear someone calling my name.  I may not even see them standing in the room, trying to get my attention.

Resting my brain – usually after engaging that deep trance-like thought or contemplation.  Sometimes the focus gets pretty intense, which takes a lot of energy.  Eventually, my brain needs rest.  Most peoples’ brains walk or jog at a pretty even pace all day long, until they get their six-to-eight hours of sleep at night.  The brains of many Aspie/autistic people sprint as though they were running a 100-meter dash.  Nobody can do that all day long; resting for a bit in between those spurts is crucial.

Processing emotion.  Every so often, emotion overwhelms me with its richness and intensity, and I have to press “pause” on my life for a while.  I might be elated, excited, wistful, grieving, irritated, heartbroken, shocked, petrified, content, or reflective.  I may retreat, go off by myself, and sit on a curb or under a tree for a while.  Or, I might only venture as far as the next room, laying on the floor with my feet and arms spread in a star-shaped formation, staring at the ceiling.  I might sit on the couch and play with my hair or stare out the window.  Or I might sit down at the computer to journal or blog, or simply type notes about what I’m feeling.

Frozen by anxiety.  Especially when having a C-PTSD (cumulative post-traumatic stress) flashback, I may curl up on the couch under a blanket, do little, and say nothing.  I may appear calm and “normal”; don’t be fooled.

Trying to prevent a meltdown or shutdown…which may be closer at hand than it looks.  Sometimes I don’t even know just how close I am, and I might be much closer than I realize.  Doing nothing may be my last-ditch effort to derail a volcanic eruption.  Here, again, I may look calm and “normal”; don’t let that fool you.

Recovering from a stressful event, a meltdown, or a shutdown that has already taken place.  For me, separating myself from everyone else, turning off the telephone ringer, and giving myself permission to do nothing is absolutely vital.  No contact, no dilemmas, no additional stressors.  No additional stimulus, either–no TV, no talking, and I’m very selective about my music; some music helps this process for me, but it’s a very narrow portion.

Recharging – this could be mentally (similar to “resting my brain”), emotionally, physically, neurologically, or even energetically, or any combination.  The “energetic” component, for me, usually involves having reached a point of social exhaustion.  The “neurological” component usually refers to having been stimulated and needing to “reset” my nervous system.

Trying to get motivated.  I definitely have executive function issues.  It takes me a while to bring myself to do something, and even once the desire has been established, I now have to plan it out, which takes longer for me than it does for others.

Mustering courage to do something.  Even after my partner returns to the pickup with the groceries in hand, I may sit in the truck in that grocery store parking lot for a few minutes, fiddling with my hair or mumbling, because I’m not exactly excited to get back out into the thick traffic that awaits me.  It’s similar to “trying to get motivated” but with a strong element of anxiety added in.

Silently rebelling against excessive pressure or demand.  “Clean your room.”  “Come get me.”  Do this; do that.  Sometimes my brain launches into a civilly-disobedient sit-down strike.  In my mind, I’m silently folding my arms across my chest and saying, “no” through clenched teeth.  This happens especially when I don’t feel that I’ve had enough time to myself or to carry out important activities mentioned above (such as resting my brain, getting lost in contemplation, processing emotion, or recharging myself).

Switching gears, between two different tasks.  Most non-autistic people can simply stop what they’re doing and engage in another activity right away.  The time required for this is a few seconds to a few minutes, and the mental energy required is negligible.  Conversely, the time required for me might run five minutes to maybe an hour, and the mental energy required is enormous.  Task-switching is extremely taxing and draining for me, a phenomenon that intensifies the faster I’m pressured to switch tasks.  During the time it takes me to switch from one activity to another, I might appear lazy.  Hell, I might even feel like I’m being lazy.  But that in-between time is necessary.

Fleshing out creative ideas (similar to being deep in thought or contemplation), only this is specific to the creative aspect.  I often get lightning bolt-like inspiration, which must be addressed quickly, lest it evaporate and slip away forever.  I must write it down and see it through at least an elementary stage of development.  This holds true whether the creative inspiration is a musical melody, a lyrical passage, a saying/quote, the outline of a blog post or article, an idea for a business-related printed material, or anything else.

If your brain doesn’t work this way (or in a similar way; maybe the same basic concept applies to you, but you experience different variation of the specifics), then it’s hard to understand our need for simply stopping and doing nothing for a while, or our need to “grind to life” slowly and gradually.  Congratulations, your nervous system works “averagely”.  But with any luck, you now understand why we might just seem to “sit there” sometimes.  Whatever you do, don’t judge (those to whom the above do happen/apply), especially if you can’t possibly know what it’s like.  Don’t think less of us; we’re not losers.

If your brain does work similar to the ways I’ve mentioned above, do respect your needs and address them.  Give yourself that permission.  Show yourself that compassion.  You’re just as valuable and your needs and the way your system works are just as valid as everybody else’s.

After all, sometimes you’re trying to scale a nine-foot wall.  🙂



This is one of my more popular posts!


(Image Credit: sythesite (featured; footer is Pink Floyd “The Wall”)



  1. Oh yes.

    Rhi is lazy is what some used to say, Rhi is so tired all the time, came from others.

    I always heard “lazy” the loudest. That was my label before “autistic”. I was a lazy, arrogant, underachiever.

    I’m not any of those things. I could never understand why the world seemed to see me so very differently from the way I saw me. There were more of them, so eventually I decided they must be right.

    But they weren’t.

    Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️. I’m so sorry that happened to you too. Seems to be too common. Hugs offered, if you like them 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. My pleasure! 😊. I often find myself giving myself a gentle nudge and if that doesn’t work, then a slightly former nudge, but if that still doesn’t work, I stop there and ask myself nonjudgmentally what the root cause of the issue might be. Crazy as it may sound, sometimes I just need some acupuncture. Other times, my brain was meant to do something else that day, or maybe I just needed a rest 😊


    1. I looked up at my screen from playing with my hair…and saw your comment! Lol 😊. Thank you for it! I’ve had to sit and contemplate a lot today; glad to know I’m not alone! Thanks ❤️ Hugs offered if you like them ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I hadn’t thought of that 😊 Thank you so much for sharing! I would bet that you’re not alone. ❤️


  2. Thank you for your beautifully expressed thoughts. I have three kids with ASD and try really hard to get into their head, and get rid of my “neurotyp” assumptions for their actions – or inactions. It’s a learning process for us all. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! Your children are really lucky to have you for a mom. Although we’re pressured by the “standards” of our external environment, you and your children are of a similar neurotype, so (I think) you’ll come to understand them intuitively a lot sooner–and better–than an NT parent would. 😊❤️


    1. (Clapping) I absolutely love this!! Excellent mantra; thank you for sharing it 😊😊


    1. Thank you! Your comment is extremely encouraging. Growing up, I always felt so alone, like there was something wrong with me. Now I know that we’re simply different, and that it’s OK! I also know I’m not alone after all, which is a relief 😊😊


  3. Thank you!

    Yes, I struggle with this and so does my daughter. We both have the issue of perfectionistic, ambitious natures, combined with severe executive function deficits. It is a constant source of disappointment and shame for us both, and while I am trying to build up my daughter and let her know she is ok the way she is, I’m lying in a way because I don’t feel ok just the way I AM (which is much the same). Nor have I figured out ways to successfully work with these challenges in any way that allows me to hold down a regular job, a regular life, a regular income etc. At least I can’t seem to anymore. I have learned to not trust myself.

    I will say I am glad I am quite a mama bear to my daughter. I have had to advocate sometimes for mental health vacations for her at school when I see she is just completely overwhelmed by expectations and getting very keyed up. Sometimes we just have to reset our minds and have some rest without consequences. I understand that she needs this, it’s non negotiable for her, and at the very least I feel like I am raising her to advocate for this for herself and not to feel ashamed of needing down time for all the things you mention. It is part of how we are wired!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! I love the way you think. Your daughter is lucky to have you for a mom – you “get it” :). That’s a lot of explaining she doesn’t have to do, and a lot of misinterpretation/misunderstanding that you both don’t have to deal with. That’s not to say that there won’t be some, nor will it be smooth all the time, but you’re already ahead of the game by sharing the same neurotype 🙂

      I totally empathize with the dichotomy of trying to support your daughter while internally criticizing yourself for the same characteristics. That can’t be an easy tightrope to walk! All I can say is, be kind to yourself. We’re all works in progress; none of us is perfect. By accepting your own imperfections and admitting that you’re human 🙂 I think that sets a wonderful example for your daughter. She’ll develop the same self-compassion and live a much healthier and more peaceful life. But that is solely my perspective, which itself is limited, since I don’t even have children. (I have a great imagination, but that’s not the same as living the daily experience.) 🙂

      Either way, I want to offer support, even if I’m just one person, for whatever it may be worth. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Really liked your post, found it summed up a lot of what I experience. I find that non-autistics do not understand the difference between these two words: Can’t v Won’t….. they seem to translate I “cannot” for I “don’t want/wish” to do/perform such and such.
    This happens so regularly that it seems the non-autistic mind is ruled by desire and will over “needs’ which makes sense as their needs are catered for by/in the world of their creation.

    This fact is one they are loathe to recognise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! So true, the can’t vs won’t. What makes it so challenging is that the two can look quite the same. Sometimes they can even feel similar. Love and support from here 😊❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks so much for sharing this. As a parent to two kids on the spectrum, this has helped me understand them and their needs much better. I really appreciate your honesty and your ability to share the realities of being autistic – this is invaluable insight for me as a parent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate that. Your children are lucky to have you for their mum. I think it’s wonderful that you’re researching like this. Awesome 😊❤️


  6. Thank you so much for putting into words the reason that I bristle and become defensive every time I hear the word “lazy”. Shared it on fb so that anyone who knows me and cares can gain an insight.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. When doing a mental review of past conversations (both verbal and written) it occurred to me that my original comment may have sounded a bit hostile so I came back to make good. I am simply feeling worn down and world-weary.

        Your article not only resonated but I felt as if I could have written it myself. I kept reading and subscribed to your blog. I have found that much of what you write mirrors my own thoughts, feelings and experiences. I wrestle with a strange paradox. I am aware that I am different from the majority of people (the neurotypicals) but, at the same time, I find it difficult to grasp that they don’t share (or perhaps even truly comprehend) the things that you so eloquently blog about. The things that are me and my life. I wonder if life as a neurotypical is as easy as it looks from the outside.

        I have not been able to succeed at finishing my degree, getting a decent job or even holding a menial job long term. As a teenager (I am now 46) I asked my doctor to picture the salmon in a nature documentary. The ones struggling to swim upstream, bashing over rocks, fighting and thrashing against the strong current. I told her that that is how life feels for me. I told her that I couldn’t understand how other people managed to get by when even the “simple” life and social goals that I strived for eluded me. My doctor told me that life is not supposed to feel that way and prescribed antidepressants. I tried to explain to her that I didn’t really feel sad, just that I was somehow different and that some aspects of life were just more difficult for me. She replied that that was just the depression talking. Suffice to say that the antidepressants did nothing but erode my quality of life with their side effects.

        I spent most of the rest of my life berating myself and kicking myself up the butt, wondering when I was going to get my act together and achieve what even the least ambitious people in society seem to take for granted. Four and a half years ago I was finally diagnosed with Asperger’s. I try to be as kind to myself as I am to my “neurosiblings” but old habits die hard.

        To summarise, I am not lazy. I honestly believe I have put in at least 300% (maybe a whole lot more) of what the average neurotypical would just to survive in society. Just because I have nothing to show for it doesn’t mean I haven’t worked hard and “busted a gut” to get this far.

        I often feel to beaten to try and put it all into words that will not be heard so thank you again for what you write.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lengthy edit to my lengthy reply…

        Typos are the bane of my existence. I am a bit particular about grammar and spelling. Not sure if it is a form of anxiety disorder or simply because it is so easy to be misunderstood and discounted. Maybe I’m afraid of negative judgements. Maybe I’m just a snob lol.

        It has been bothering me that the final sentence should read:

        “I often feel *too* beaten to try and put it all into words that will not be heard so thank you again for what you write.”

        I realise that, for most people who care to make the effort, a second read of the original with a bit of thought put in and the meaning can probably still be clear enough. Problem is that I have spent enough (actually, way too much) time fretting over it so, once again, (as wearisome as it is), I am back to make good.

        I wanted to edit the original at the time I posted it but found no option to do so. Cursing myself for not proofreading before submitting but my daughter was yelling for my attention in the yard and my husband was yelling for my attention in the lounge so I was feeling more than a bit flustered.

        See? Not lazy. Misdirected effort perhaps but not lazy. Even doing the simplest things in life take a lot of time and effort (physical, emotional &/or psychological) out of me although the reasons for this are incomprehensible to many. Everything in life feels like bloody hard work and frankly I am sick of it. If I didn’t come back here and make my best effort to amend my typo then there is no telling how long it would continue to bug me and sap my energy. Even this effort is not perfect but it is more of a relief than doing nothing.

        I know that this is “weird” but what the hell? If I can’t be honest about it when commenting here then there is probably no public place that I ever can.

        I want to apologise for having to post this whole comment but I simply can’t help having do it. I truly can’t help it. I feel stupid, embarrassed and ashamed. I am painfully aware of the enormous scale of my over reaction. Although I hate it, the fact is that posting this will relieve more stress than not posting it. Often, I want to just make a global apology for being me and the confusion and inconvenience that it causes others. I want to have a voice but I also want to be invisible. I hate being the centre of attention yet, so often, if I dare to speak I end up making a spectacle of myself. It just reduces me to tears. It is times like this I realise how far I truly deviate from “normal”. I also wonder if some people on the spectrum have chosen selective mutism. I know I have considered it. I wish my brain had an off switch so that I could take a break sometimes.

        My wonderful husband just got up and wished me happy anniversary. We have been married for 17 years today. I temporarily forgot as I woke up with a “bee in my bonnet” about this stupid typo.

        I know this all makes me very different from the people in mainstream society. Is this all autism? Or does it appear that there is also something else different about me? I wonder to myself but kind and genuine replies would be reassuring too.

        Is there anyway to edit my comments here? Is there any way we could make it so?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I wish I knew how! 🙂 I think some templates allow for it, while others don’t, or maybe WordPress used to allow it but doesn’t anymore? I’m not sure 🙂 If I find out, though, I’ll definitely let you know.

          Thank you so much for your comments! I really enjoy reading them. No comment is too long, either; it can be as long as you like! 🙂 People have so much neat information and perspectives to share. This is pretty much a Judgment-Free Zone, so I’m never going to think you’re “weird”–at least, never in a bad way! 🙂

          And nah, I definitely don’t think you’re a snob. Or lazy. 🙂 I’m definitely with you – I try to be very meticulous about my grammar and spelling! I’ve been known to go back and edit a post 10-20 times to get it “just right” lol. Of course, the occasional typo slips by, and I’m pretty sure some of my posts have typos. That said, I’d never look down on anyone for their own typos, misspellings, etc. It happens 🙂

          I definitely hear you, too, on the inner conflict between wanting to be invisible and wanting to use one’s voice. Blogging has been my own method of reconciling that inner conflict, but it may not do the same for everyone 🙂

          I *love* how you deviate from “normal”! What is “normal” anyway? I reached the conclusion a while back that “normal” sucks lol – at least, for me anyway. 🙂 And I know exactly what you mean by wanting an “off” switch for the brain – does yours also rev up the highest just when you’re wanting it to calm down so you can sleep? That’s how it goes for me LOL

          Wishing you a very happy anniversary! ❤ FunFact: Y'all have been together for the same length of time as my partner and me!

          Thank you again for both of your comments. Our thought processes and internal emotions appear to be dang-near parallel! ❤


    1. Thank you so much! It was an honor to be invited to participate; I hope I “did it right”? 😊❤️


  7. This is excellent. Just like day and night there needs to be a balance. But I’m dangerously close to waffling off about eastern philosophy again. Woops! But Really! This is great. I was musing to myself that it’s not so much that we are defective but rather We’re like “apples to oranges” And that conjures up a rather amusing picture of someone trying to squeeze juice out of an apple (Half) with those funny metal things. (I don’t know what they are called, Sorry!)
    It’s not jucing properly! It’s a defective orange! Oh no!
    I’ve been beating myself up about being lazy for months now. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have this..but the problem is, I *am* lazy. There are plenty of moments where I’m capable of doing things, but aren’t in the mood. Unfortunately, the people around me are very bad at telling the difference, and I’m never sure what’s a normal level of work for most people. I also feel that there’s this pressure to be a goody-two shoes if you’re autistic or similarly disabled – people don’t seem to realize that however frustrating it is to have someone with a disability do things on purpose, that’s not a reason for judging them more harshly than everybody else. We can’t be superhumanly less badly behaved than the average person just because having a disability limits our productivity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts! 😊 My I be so bold to say that you may not be lazy, that it may feel like laziness and look that way to others, but that you may actually be quite busy and productive in your own way, a way that may not be readily visible? 💜 I can absolutely relate; I definitely used to feel similarly (if I understand you correctly 😊), and then I realized what I *was* actually doing and that it was constructive and valid. It was only then that I could stop beating myself up and start healing and recognizing that validity to my apparent laziness 💞💜💙


  9. so much this! i tell people i have a sleep disorder– which isnt really untrue at all– but whereas i have *all* the symptoms of a particular sleep disorder, i personally believe its actually more related to this. theres not much in the world that was ever “wrong” with me (i use the term loosely) that cant be explained by… this sort of thing. too bad we are so far behind industry-wise, or there would be a perfect explanation for me–

    which NO ONE i know would ever think possible 🙂 as im sure youve noticed, i think “anonymously” is one of my favorite blogs of all time, but i wanted to point out that im really enjoying yours in a similar way. take the compliment– it really is a major one! ❤️ and naturally, thanks for posting this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thank you so much for your kind compliment! I love love love Anonymously’s blog. She rules!! To be held in an esteem anywhere close to hers is an incredible honor ❤️

      So you’ve got a sleep issue, too? I wonder how many of us do? It seems to be common enough; I can relate; mine’s been touch-and-go for nearly 7 years now. I wonder if it’s at least in part due to the underlying low-level anxiety that many of us endure? That seems to be a Thing, too. I have come to look forward to and really appreciate your thoughts! Thank you very much for sharing them! 😊😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. i think the low-level anxiety (i prefer the term “stress,” because although its a weak description “anxiety” is something people think of as being mental, and stress can be thought of as cortisol levels– mental things they like to treat with pills, and cortisol can be mitigated substantially by simpler things– like not building a society that requires people to work 2 or 3 jobs– or having people in your life that understand your needs better (believe me i know, theyre not easy to find!)

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I think *I am* lazy, but that doesn’t mean *you* are. I’m stressing that distinction between you and me to start off with because when I disagree with people, it often gets on their nerves because they feel as though I am trying to invalidate their experiences.

    It’s true that I don’t always count my thoughts as productive because I don’t have much to show for them, but that doesn’t mean I’m fulfilling my potential.

    I procrastinate a lot and try to avoid things that seem difficult to me, when really I could do them if only I could be bothered and wasn’t so afraid. I don’t believe I’m lazy in the sense of someone who expects someone to wait on them all the time even though they can do something with no effort, it’s more that I’m lazy in the sense of someone who won’t follow through on a diet or an exercise plan.

    I also sometimes ignore chores when I could easily make them. I don’t like being bossed around, but people do a lot for me and I don’t always reciprocate.

    This doesn’t mean that I don’t have the problems you described on top of that. To use an analogy, being physically disabled doesn’t make you lazy if you can’t walk, but it does if you use it as an excuse not to fill in a form or do basic exercise or refuse to work if you can easily get a job. Steven Hawking isn’t unable to walk or speak because he’s lazy, but if he decided to quit his job and retire permanently to a spa, he wouldn’t be working as hard as he currently is.

    All that being said, it frustrates me how people with disabilities are expected to be good all the time. I feel as though if I acted the way many of the neurotypical people I know do or did – pulling sickies, lying to people, making bigoted or politically incorrect jokes in polite company, getting too drunk – I’d get judged far more harshly for it than any of my neurotypical peers did. I also suspect that many of the things other people manage to hide – like smoking or taking recreational drugs in secret – people would find out very quickly. It’s like being surrounded by celebrities and getting arrested for bad driving.

    But other people don’t see things that way. If I’m badly behaved, people think I’m trying to get away with something because of my autism, but really it’s about being able to do things despite my autism.

    I also worry that anything I do for fun will be judged as part of my personality rather than a fluke. Although my autism probably has something to do with that, I think even other autistics find me a little sheltered. If someone spots me exploring my sexuality, I’m suddenly gay and have lost all interest in women. If someone spots me acting violent, I’m suddenly a threat. If I make a dirty joke, I’m automatically a pervert.

    Or the opposite – if I do something that goes against my personality, people will make fun of it rather than taking it in its stride, as though I’m somehow parodying myself rather than trying something new.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear ya 😊 I do understand 😊 Viewpoints different from my own are absolutely welcome! They don’t get on my nerves or anything 😊

      I can also relate to a lot of what you said! Yep, there’ll be a chore staring at me in the face, something that could easily be done, and yet, I won’t think to do it. Or I’ll briefly consider doing it, but say to myself, “meh, I’ll do it later.” Lol. Yep, it happens in my house, too 😊

      In all seriousness, the fear of judgment is very real (not that the above subject matter isn’t). Some people are so (too) quick to judge others, when they don’t have the whole story, and couldn’t possibly imagine all the potential factors. That’s just the way they are: they judge. They judge you. They judge me. They judge everyone. Which, in my opinion/experience, says a whole lot more about them than it does us. They’re just intolerant people who make assumptions, not realizing that doing so makes them look like an arse. I totally feel you on that one, too ❤️


  11. can i have your permission to translate (in fact i have my own tranlater, a very nice helpfull aspie pensioner who translates most the stuff, for our german parents that speak no english) this for my german adhd and autismgroup in facebook?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow! 🙂 :). Yes, absolutely! I would be honored. Please feel free to translate any of the posts on here that you would like to 🙂 I really appreciate that! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. hello, sis. today, “sister” means: the first person i think of to share this post with (that you may have already noticed or be about to notice) from autisticaplanet:

    as always, i love you ❤ and knowing you are an ally to all of us (and sister to all of us) is part of the reason why. its a very important post i think. i tend to describe a post as "very important" once or twice a month, so thats about 20-25 very important posts a year. you post every day, and a lot of those "very important" posts (according to me) are yours. only the ones i look at can qualify, so im sure there are others. but theyre all important– they can all catch someones attention– and posting regularly is the key to posting a gem. you never really know which one is going to touch people the most deeply. ❤ if this seems… i dont know, a little dramatic or solemn, then it reflects what i think about the post im linking to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, what a cool find! Thank you for sharing that with me/us 😊❤️ I’ve often thought along these lines myself. It’s a little unnerving at times 💚

      So true about posting–you never know which posts will reach out and touch someone 😊 Some posts I thought might be really popular didn’t go anywhere; other posts I figured were going to be a big hit and they were, while others I thought were nothing special and their popularity really surprised me lol 😊 What’s even funnier is when a post gets relatively warm but not huge response until 2 months later when it goes semi-viral on social media lol (true story!) ❤️

      You’re amazing, my friend! As soon as I’m done with my work obligations for the day, I’ll continue responding to your lovely emails; they’re like glittery golden gifts in my inbox 😘💜

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I found and read this post the other day, was just online for something else here at my parents place and found it still on my browser (I always have a huge pile of browser tabs left open in my iPad – lol) … showed it to Mum, who said to get Dad to read it too … LOL … yes – a lot of this is definitely “me too”
    … and a few things where Mum said she wished she knew them about me when I was a kid, and she thought I was being lazy rather than just struggling, and being my Aspie self …

    … and … I just found this typed but not posted comment sitting here, still open, in a browser tab … I have now been back home from my parents place for 2 months! … oops ? LOL

    Yes – of course I am still posting it … I still think it applies …

    … in fact me having left it here open in my browser for at least 2 months probably says more than what I wrote in the comment does? 🙂

    btw, I have used the “… thought I was lazy when I was actually …” a few times lately … and it was not only “they” – it was also ME who used to wonder why the heck I was never able to try hard enough to do whatever thing it was that I thought should have been so easy to just get on and do, like any other normal person … problem was – it never occurred to me that I wasn’t “any other normal person” – lol (so, down went my self esteem … sigh)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I can relate so much to what you said, all of it. Everything from the bunches of open browser tabs, to the self-chiding (“why can’t I just *do* this already??”), to the low self esteem, to a regretful mother, to the “me too” feeling, and to the comment that has long since been ready to send 😊
      So much familiarity here in what you wrote 💓. I’m really glad you posted your comment! Those “me too”-themed comments know no expiration date; they absolutely apply anytime 😊💜

      Liked by 1 person

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