Failing at Asperger’s / autism…?

It seems ironic that not 24 hours ago, I felt like joining hands and singing Kum-bah-ya with the spectrum world, given all the unity and solidarity I felt from and within the social media community.

But today seems like a different story.  It seems as though as soon as the clock struck midnight, anything I said was a disastrous misstep.

Although I’ve been on the spectrum all my life, I haven’t been living the culture for very long.  It has only been six months today that I’ve even been aware of my own Asperger’s orientation; in the grand scheme of my lifespan thus far, I’ve only been cognizant of my spectrumhood for about 1.2% of the time (six months divided into 39 years).  As you probably know, I began researching immediately.  An entire new world opened up wide, swallowing me.

Suddenly, I had a plume of new terms to discover and familiarize myself with.  Words and phrases like “ableism” and “executive function”; concepts like “inspiration porn”.  I came upon an entire(ly different) culture that up until that point, had been completely unknown to me.  The learning curve still remains at a substantial incline, and I suspect that it will be for a while.

I’m the type of Aspie that tends to tell it like it is, at least the way I see it.  I don’t exactly mince words.  I know that I’m not alone, but I also know that (a few) other people aren’t always as forgiving, which I don’t mean that in a bad or offensive or derogatory way; everyone is entitled to their own viewpoint.  But that also means that I should be, too.

Apparently, not everyone agrees.  (Which again, is OK; it just hurts sometimes.)

As for the remaining Twitter Tribe (I hope I can still say that), I love everyone I interact with.  For any of you reading this, please know that none of this is directed toward you.  Here is a fantastic, lovable, refreshing group of people people who share many of the same difficulties in life, who understand certain facts of my life, without my having to explain or justify myself.  Everything glowing that I said in a recent post still stands.

But because I’m new, I still sometimes feel like an odd one out.  (Worry not; it’s not any of you who make me feel that way.)

I don’t lean to the left, politically (don’t worry–I don’t lean much to the right, either). I don’t know any (yet) who don’t lean left, unless they’ve been fairly politically low-key thus far.  I hope that doesn’t lose me any more friends, and I’m not trying to start a political debate.  (I’m really not trying to go there.)

I’m not an anti-vaxxer by any stretch, but I’m not always strictly pro-vaccination in all cases.

I’m health-conscious, and fortunate to have few comorbities (which is also not meant to be offensive).  I don’t often feel as disabled as I’ve seen from other posts and tweets (although believe me, there are days…).  I do indeed also suffer PTSD (and the anxiety and insomnia that so often accompany Asperger’s), but I’m negative for any other mental or emotional disability (although I stand staunchly in spirit behind those who live with any).

I live in Texas, where the granola moms and fundamentalist families support puzzle-piece organizations (although I don’t–at all) and blog about their autistic children (not that I hold anything against that, so long as names aren’t used, the posts aren’t derogatory attention-seeking martyr-rants, and the child(ren) isn’t/aren’t put on public display).

I’m odd in that I’m self-employed.  I don’t draw any governmental disability assistance, so I can’t identify.  I can respect those who do, though.

I’ve only met a handful who are into health or Paganism or center-wing or refuse to support Hillary or are small-business-friendly.

I’m not gay, bi, or fully-trans, although I do accept them with open arms, support them, and champion for progress in this area.  (I’m also not “straight”, either; I am indeed non-binary and bi-romatic, though.)

I realize that my “special interests” are different.  I don’t know any other Aspie/autistic people thus far who like to research biochemistry, talk on ham radio, target-shoot, or cast astrological natal charts.  That’s to be expected, of course; most of us have interests that the others don’t share.

Sometimes, I still feel like an outsider. I’m often late to the party. I feel accepted by many, but shunned by a few select others.

Maybe it’s just me.  (Usually, it probably is.)  Maybe part of it stems from a feeling that originates from within myself.  Maybe it’s just a manifestation of my own social anxiety and awkwardness, rearing its ugly head in yet another, fresh venue.  I’ve probably dealt with a lifetime of marginalization myself, without even realizing it.

It may stem from a lifetime of habitually perceiving the more obvious differences between myself and the others around me, and I’m so used to it that it’s hard not to do, even when surrounded by spirits more kindred than I’ve ever experienced.

But maybe it’s not just me.  The Defensive-Me temptingly whispers in my ear, “if someone doesn’t like you, write them off; they’re just too sensitive anyway.”  But are they?  I suspect the true answer lies somewhere between “yes” and “no”.

On the one hand, as someone helpfully (not sarcastic) pointed out, they may have triggers of their own that anchor them back to traumatic experiences or toxic relationships.

On the other hand, that can be incredibly detrimental, since the world doesn’t operate that way.  I’m not advocating that we simply roll over and give in to the cold, hard, mean world (again, not sarcastic–the world really has those characteristics), but a tiny desensitization effort might be better for our own strength and well-being.

So, sometimes I feel like I should still censor myself a little.  I try so hard (almost too hard) to be likable.  I don’t want to offend anyone.  I don’t want to ruffle any feathers or rock any boats.  I don’t want to turn anyone off or turn anyone away.

But I did.  Occasionally, I do.  And until I learn more, I will.  The worst thing that can happen is that someone can turn away (or turn me away), while I’m still learning, without telling me what I did wrong, and without giving me a second chance (if possible).

The truth is, if something is gently-but-straightforwardly pointed out to me, chances are that I’ll fix it.  I’ll be grateful for the learning opportunity.  I’ll be grateful for the compassion and understanding.  Aren’t those concepts we crave most?  Why can’t we (a select few) show/give them to each other?  We of all people should be able to do that, especially for each other.

Sometimes, I find myself in situations where all the hearts and smileys in the world don’t help.

Of course, there might be the rare occasion where I’ll stand by my words as they are, especially if I’ve put extra thought into them and chosen them carefully to begin with.  (That being said, I promise the entire community that I will make every effort in the world not to be mean or rude in any way.)  Sometimes I actually feel the need to use potentially-sensitive words like “moron” (never in reference to someone who is mentally challenged; always in reference to a neurotypical, and not online/written, but verbalized in in-person companyof people close to me) or “crazy” (usually referring to myself, figuratively).

I can–and do–regret (very much) if it offends someone, but if I don’t know how else to express myself, or I’m under stress and can’t think of other (more palatable) words quickly enough, there may be the (uncommon) time I may not apologize for using the word, especially if it otherwise seemed pretty benign to the vast majority of the rest of the community.

What I won’t do is knowingly say something that I know poses a common trigger.  I do have to draw the line somewhere; I don’t want to be scared to speak, although sometimes, that’s exactly how I feel.

I thought that it was mostly neurotypicals who got offended the most often, and that Aspie/autistic people were a comparatively more resilient lot.  And it’s true that most of us are, especially with each other.  But it’s also true that some of us aren’t.

I went through a version of this on Facebook, too (“that was my best post yet today! Why hasn’t anybody liked it??” or “oh man, who did I offend now?  Someone dropped out without warning”).

I’d like to think that I’m not some impossible emotional bottomless pit that constantly needs to be fed, because I don’t think I am.  (I think) I’m more logical, stable, and healthy than that.

I’d like to think that I’m at least semi-self-confident.  I’d like to think that I’ve come fairly far, having made progress in this area.

But maybe I’m not as healed or strong as I thought after all.  Because rejection still hurts (too much).

Maybe I’m the one who’s a little over-sensitive…

Regardless, it sure looks like I have some more work to do.  🙂

(PS: Please know that I certainly don’t think less of anyone in any of the situations or with any of the characteristics mentioned above; I love you all as human beings, no matter what other characteristics or lifestyles or other labels may apply, or how much or how little we might otherwise have in common.  And I promise (a word I don’t use lightly) that I would walk beside you, stand behind you, go to bat for you (if needed/wanted), cheer for you, and love you just as you are, without question.)

Please understand if I’m a bit “gun-shy” for a little while.  ❤


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  1. When I first published my blog a few weeks ago someone had a massive go at me. Someone from the autistic community. I couldn’t understand why when all I was doing was talking about my problems! I felt very attacked and vulnerable but I shrugged it off. Never doubt your own self belief. Some people attack when they are feeling crap about themselves. Some people are just down right rude when they do not have to say things face to face.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Oh no! I’m so sorry that that happened to you. It’s almost like walking a minefield sometimes, isn’t it? Personally, I never know which innocent-seeming word might send somebody off the deep end. I’m not a big political-correctness fan or expert, either, so sometimes there’s a culture clash of sorts 🙂 I tend to call things as I see them, too, which sometimes makes me appear rude or insensitive. I might be ignorant, sure, but not trying to be mean. I also like what you said about that they may be feeling crappy themselves; it’s very true that what we see in others is often more of a reflection of ourselves than we (would like to?) think… I’m so glad you were able to shrug off that attack! I will try in earnest to train my brain to do the same 🙂 Thank you so much for your encouragement ❤


  2. I tweeted you, but wanted to leave a more permanent virtual hug here. There’s a saying that working with attorneys is like herding cats. It’s because attorneys like to work alone (honestly, I think a lot of Autistics are called to that profession) and find others get in their way. At times, they have to come together and it’s awkward. I think our community is like that: we’re so very, very diverse and brought together by something hidden and so many of us are still trying out our Autistic-selves. Your tribes idea is FABULOUS. But the people who used it before you I don’t think understood all the whiteness of Autism issues that People of Color have been mentioning and the history of the word as a pejorative and that’s SO okay (how can we? Cultural smog and all that….we don’t know it because it’s in the air we breathe). We are a very, very diverse group (racially, in terms of religion, perspective, and voting preference). Some of us struggle trying to be allies to other causes. We’re all floundering, but if we flounder together, I think it’ll get better. We’ll figure this stuff out. Somehow. You got the ball rolling and that is SO, so important. Be proud!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for both of your comments! Reading these made me feel a LOT better. I might even blog again today lol (I can be one to tempt fate from time to time lol) 🙂

      What you said is so true – we’re such a diverse group, and sometimes the only thing we might have in common is our membership on the spectrum. We’re all fighting our own good fight, experiencing our other dimensions, and dealing with other issues (past and present, whatever they may be).

      Agreed, we’ll figure all of this stuff out eventually. I’m sure there’ll be casualties along the way, which is unfortunate, but it happens.

      Thank you so much for supporting me ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. For me, I’m trying to pace myself on blogging, well, at least the releasing of them, esp. with going back to teach on Monday. Got one ready for tomorrow, but I feel like setting up a whole bunch more so I don’t seem to stop writing. This weekend’s Tweetfest has got me thinking about a whole lot of topics, but alas, 10-hour days yesterday, today, and tomorrow at work will likely make me too overloaded to do much more than chatter and read the great stuff you have to say.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m really looking forward to reading your posts! I love your thoughts and their process (if you know what I mean 🙂 ) Thank you so much for reading my ramblings! Lol 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    2. Curious. They say the same thing about programmers (herding cats, that is). 🙂 I just try to always keep growing in both knowledge and understanding. And when it comes to groups that need support, but which I’m not a member, I always try to amplify voices from within those groups first. And listen to them as I do.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Hang in there! I have not been offended by you (yet!! Ha ha!) and am extremely grateful for all your thoughts (forgive me if I am repeating myself).
    I am in the same position: still swimming my way through all the related issues & information post-Dx to try and understand other’s triggers & pre-conceptions. (I have just found the people who are against the neurodiversity concept/movement: had no idea people could take offence to this idea before yesterday!)
    I’m sorry that you have been caught out. I’m sure I will have said something offensive in my Tweeting/blogging but don’t have so many followers as you to have noticed!
    And I totally understand feeling on the outside [and perhaps ‘not disabled enough to fit in’] (I say that with a huge grimace because I’m sure someone will hate me for it, but that is how I feel). But you and your opinion are valid and welcome to me.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Wow, thank you! (LOL I’ve said “wow” a lot today 😉 ) Your support means a whole lot to me. You sure haven’t offended me! (I’m pretty tough to offend in general, so no worries there lol; I can even deal with the “R” word most of the time.) I’m comforted to know that I’m not alone, new at the game; I love your term “swimming”; sometimes that’s definitely what it feels like 🙂

      Thank you so much for standing with me ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  4. You aren’t failing at anything. You’re being a human being.

    “The truth is, if something is gently-but-straightforwardly pointed out to me, chances are that I’ll fix it. I’ll be grateful for the learning opportunity. I’ll be grateful for the compassion and understanding. Aren’t those concepts we crave most? Why can’t we (a select few) show/give them to each other? We of all people should be able to do that, especially for each other.”

    Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from. Too often judged by people that never give you a chance to defend yourself, people that jump to conclusions, make assumptions, think they can guess what is going on and cannot be bothered to check their facts first. You can be as honest with me as you please. I’m not a fan of political correctness but I don’t like being deliberately offensive. If I am ever offensive to people I can assure you it is unintentional so again I know where you are coming from.

    I don’t go near FB. I don’t do well on things like that. Too many people hankering after as many ‘friends’ as possible. Also, got into too many arguments so my daughter and I decided I should stay away from it. Ditto with Twitter. It’s shallow. Inundated by people just wanting more names on their list of ‘friends’. Especially people that constantly hammer your Twitter feed with stupid platitudes, hundreds every day, as if platitudes are going to make everything alright. And then a woman on my feed found out I was on the Autistic Spectrum and got so nasty with me and then blocked me. That upset me a lot so I avoid Twitter as well.

    When I was first diagnosed I went through a period of euphoria, for about eighteen months. I had the answers to my life problems at last, and I got all the books and started learning, about myself, how to help myself, also body-language. That was an eye-opener. But it never came naturally to me and I still had to go away and look things up first. Everything seemed to be going great.

    Then the reality of life and peoples ignorance hit me, and it knocked the stuffing out of me. Lied to by therapists, therapists with no knowledge or understanding of autism, assumptions that I was lying about being diagnosed because I wasn’t retarded (my doctors somewhat shocked by those letters as they had the formal diagnosis in front of them), therapists that thought they could ‘wing it’, another therapist that lied about his qualifications and experience and did no end of damage, a woman that wanted a relationship with me until she found out I was one of those ‘freaks and weirdos’ (she never used those words but the way she treated me she might as well have done) with autism at which point she pushed me away regardless of how she felt about me. It was soul-destroying. Thankfully I had my daughter, a big support, and her two dogs (a German Weimaraner and a another one that was a cross with a German Pointer) that I loved.

    The point of all that is to tell you that what you already know really. A lot of people suck. But there are those of us who will stand by you through thick and thin. As an aside, I mentioned my second M.Sc. It was in Biomolecular Science (Biomolecular Archaeology really but I was already qualified in archaeology) but, and you might not like this 🙂 it was not a subject I got a lot of pleasure out of, standing around in the lab waiting … waiting … waiting lol. I haven’t been shooting for years, but I’ve always loved it. Just something wonderful about shooting, me and the rifle and the target and all my cares slip away.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Wow, thank you so much for such a fantastic reply! Fellow shooter here lol 🙂 I agree with what you said! Especially the “not a fan of political correctness but I don’t like being deliberately offensive” part; that’s exactly how I think/feel, too. I truly *do* feel like you know exactly where I’m coming from, and that it’s not just a catchphrase; I feel the truth coming through your words.

      I’m so, so sorry that you encountered that nasty woman. I don’t blame you for avoiding both FB and Twitter; while they offer their beneficial uses, they can also be a ripe and unchecked breeding ground for bullying or harassment. (The people with whom I debated this time didn’t resort to quite that low a level, but I’ve experienced situations similar to yours in the past–repeatedly–and it’s definitely tiring and disheartening.)

      Hugs offered to you! Thank you for your support ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a really beautiful and insightful blog. I appreciate your writing about this and hope you continue to speak your truth. I love how you question and explore. It IS about being a human being. I’m not politically correct either. And that often causes me problems. Speaking our truth is really important. We all aren’t the same. We all are unique human beings. Sometimes I think the labels get in the way of who we are.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, thank you for your comment! Your kind words mean a lot to me, which I know is cliche, but if only I could express how meaningful they really are… 🙂

      I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. Thank you so much for your encouragement, too! – I will indeed continue to speak the truth, even if it’s just “my” version of the truth ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t think you’re a failure at all. We’re all human (even if we sometimes/often don’t feel like we are) and are all trying to do the best we can. I apologize if I had any hand in causing you to feel like a failure. It definitely was not my intention in any way.

    You’ve never offended me, that I can remember (and usually I do remember – it takes a lot to offend me). I’m white, in the US, and in the Deep South. I think that those things all combine to make me want to be extremely careful with what terminology I use once I know it’s problematic. I’ve put a great deal of time and effort into learning about various issues of privilege and racism since the shooting in Ferguson.

    While most things don’t offend me personally, I generally feel more comfortable using less potentially appropriative terms. Also, I think it would be cool to look into possible terms that we could easily make our own (particularly from our own culture, which seems to be largely sci-fi/fantasy/tech/etc) and that haven’t had a history of minimizing a different minority group.

    Does that make sense?

    On a personal note: I also do have a strong tendency towards being pedantic about terminology, which might be overkill in some situations, and is never intended personally. It’s just one of those ways that I am 🙂 Feel free to call me out if I ever do it excessively or inappropriately or if you feel picked on by it. I mainly just love words and appreciate precision ❤ but that doesn't always come across accurately to others.

    I wholeheartedly agree with and love the idea behind #AutisticTribe! If that's what everyone else thinks is the best term, then I won't put up a fuss. I just also think it's important to be extra careful in the early stages of coming up with more official-ish terminology 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiya Mamautistic! Howdy from a fellow US southerner; Texas here 😊. You’re probably going to chuckle: we sound so much alike that I actually had to scroll up to make sure I hadn’t written your comment! Lol 😊. Our writing styles are similar, and I even use the “does that make sense?” a LOT lol

      Anyway, we also seem to think a lot alike; neither of us seems to get offended easily. Where I am, we have a LOT of people from Mexico; they hate the term “Hispanic” (despite its acceptance by the politically correct); they insist upon being called Mexican. I also have family in southern Louisiana, and the African-Americans there (and elsewhere in the South) seem to be perfectly fine with being called “Black”. They truly don’t care, in general. It seems to be a cultural difference; I’ve lived in the North (US), too, and I actually witnessed more verbal political correctness there, but actually more of an underlying racism/bigotry than I’ve *ever* seen here in the Deep South. Sorry for rambling; I just find it interesting/amusing lol 😊

      Thank you again for all of your support!

      And I (again) totally love your blog 😉❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😀 ❤ I love your blog too!

        I grew up mainly in the PNW (with extended family down South) and it's definitely interesting to see the differences! Actually, the town on Speechless (watched the pilot last night!) reminds me so much of where I grew up. They think they're super progressive, but really…. not so much. I also saw more racism up there (not directed towards Black people because there really weren't any, but the Native Americans were treated horribly) and tons of classism despite their very careful language and nearly all-white "celebrating diversity" festivals.

        I'm still trying to find a respectful balance myself after having grown up in that bizarre environment, and only having really listened to minority perspectives in the last few years :-/

        All the Black people I know down here prefer to be referred to as "Black" too 🙂 Most have been Americans for many generations and not all are from Africa! After that was pointed out to me, I realized that "African-American" seems similar to if we called all white Americans Irish-Americans regardless of how long we'd been here or where our ancestors actually came from. I suspect there might be some generational differences in preference thrown in there too along with the regional ones.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I feel I have a lot more in common with you than you might think, and many of us others too. But I’ve learnt to keep quiet about certain things as I hate upsetting people. I’m avoiding Twitter right now so no idea if this post is in response to anything that happened over there. But just know that there are lots of us like you, trying to tread sensitively while feeling like we’re flailing around. I left FB after being attacked by an autistic lady who was offended by something I wrote that I hadn’t realised could be offensive. I’m going to concentrate more on blogging now and less on being scared to speak my mind. Though again I’d never delineated say anything I knew might be offensive. Anyway, please keeping speaking your truths. I’m listening. (Well, reading)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s awesome!! I wouldn’t doubt that we have a lot in common, probably indeed more than we realize. 🙂 So true about the “flailing” part; I totally feel that way lol. I’m so sorry that lady attacked you on FB; no matter what she said, it was uncalled for. Ugh – some people are despicable! I hope you were able to recover quickly and well ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, were people objecting to ‘tribe’ as its used by First Nations people? Well, I live in Galway, in Ireland, and it’s known as ‘the City of Tribes’ after the 12 British/Norman tribes who founded it. So saying its exclusively a First Nations term makes no sense to me. Anyway, like I say I’m avoiding Twitter drama for now. Hope whatever happened there doesn’t upset you too much. And certainly please don’t stop blogging! We need voices like yours.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi! Nope you’re fine – it showed up as Autisticzebra; is that the one you wanted to show up?

      Thank you so kindly for reaching out to me 😊. I love the feeling that I’m not alone, that other people out there “get” it and understand the spirit behind what I try to say. I do get the feeling that we have much more in common with each other (and probably with other people too!) than we may have realized, too ❤️

      I wrote the basic outline/notes for the post a few weeks ago, but it really struck me today–yup, you’re absolutely right, in response to a Twitter convo (well, probably a couple were leading up to it, but there was 1 particular catalyst, that damn near drove me into Shutdown Mode).

      In light of that, I’ll take your wise choice to lay low on social media as (very) useful advice and back off a little on my presence there myself. (I’ll still go visit friends’ profiles and Heart them, etc, but I may not say as much on my own profile except for a few positive posts or my blog posts, the latter of which tweet automatically).

      Thank you again for all your kind words and support! ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

      1. (PS: I’m part Native American in the US, with blood lines from 2 different tribes lol and I really love the word tribe! I personally don’t see it as pejorative at all; also went to school with a guy from an African tribe; he didn’t mind the word, either! In fact, he used it himself. Lol! Btw, Ireland sounds absolutely gorgeous and I would love to visit there someday soon!) ❤️


  9. I see where you’re coming from, I feel like an odd one out too in many ways. In terms of what a lot of people like around my age and their views on life, and notice how different I am in comparison. I don’t want to change my ways to fit in with them, I just want to find others that can understand where I’m coming from. To find people that make me feel like I truly belong. I want to express my thoughts, feelings, and views on life and the way it’s treating both myself and other people. I worry that I may be misunderstood, or that my views on life that I post on my Twitter account may scare some people away because I tend to post some heavy subjects about the atrocities happening around the world. I want to be able to express my views, but at the same time, I don’t want to scare people away, >…..<;. I didn’t know what I did. She then changed her profile image to one of her swearing at the camera.

    I was always worried about writing on Twitter, this was because I couldn’t face writing small abbreviated messages, I felt I would be misunderstood, and I wouldn’t have enough space to express myself. Then I started to notice other people on the spectrum were making blogs on WordPress, and I decided to reach out to my old and dusty WordPress account and restart. I then felt brave and wanted to write to someone on the spectrum on Twitter yesterday, and I was redirected to other people on the spectrum on WordPress that have their own blogs. It’s interesting to read how others on the spectrum feel. I want to be able to connect with these people and make new friends, :).

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your perspective! I agree completely. For whatever it’s worth, you’ve got a friend here 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your response to what I wrote to your blog post, :). Thanks for stating that WordPress could be quirky sometimes. It’s unfortunate as that surely wouldn’t help people on the spectrum. I’m now worried I’m not able to express my points accurately and fully, if WordPress is going to do this to the comments I make, >.<;. Would you mind if I re-posted my comments in one paragraph at a time? Sorry about this, it's embarrassing.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Haven’t got the energy for a long comment, but just wanted to say: you are NOT a failure! So many people seem to be feeling as you do at the moment – I’ve noticed a few posts with a very similar flavour. Anyhoo, I love your blog. Your voice is a welcome one, as far as I’m concerned. Keep using it (in whichever ways you feel most comfortable). xx

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Please don’t confuse the majority of the most vocal on social media as being the majority of the Asperger’s community. I don’t think you are but it’s an easy trap to fall into especially when people are shouting, and shouting other people down, about politics. In an election year.
    My formal diagnosis was only a few months ago and I can already relate to much of what you wrote. Please keep it up 😎

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for this! It is indeed an easy trap to fall into; I realize (and this realization is growing) that the most vocal on social media is indeed more of a minority than it may appear. Given some of the militance and hostility perpetrated by some of those folks, that’s a relief 🙂 I don’t mean to talk badly of them, but it can lead one to feel more alienated, which only rubs salt in the wounds that many of us are harboring already and trying to heal from. Comments like yours help that healing process along, and I thank you again for yours! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  12. Am a 50 year old guy, I know an aspergers teacher who reckons that have aspergers and then a friend in a re-enactment society that I have been a member of for a good 8 years or so, she knew I was aspergers since the first moment she met me.

    Only found out her day job a few weeks ago…..

    Got a close to photographic memory of sites I visit and lets me spiral that site in my mind to work out where things fit (risk assessor is day job)

    Negligible small talk skills, but remember where I have visited and if have been there a few times, no matter where, can usually get back there…

    Never had a formal diagnosis, was not aware that it was possible for adults and not sure it is something that would put on the cv 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! Thank you for commenting, and I apologize for the delay in replying (I found your comment while reviewing my archives for unanswered comments, because I do like to answer every one that I can, even if it takes a little while) 🙂

      Thank you for sharing your story! It’s an interesting one! Not uncommon, either. I wouldn’t be surprised if you are Aspergian; if you’re interested and you hadn’t found them yet, there are several (free) questionnaires online. I know they helped me a lot in getting started, nailing things down pretty nicely.

      A formal diagnosis is indeed possible for adults, although it’s much more challenging to find a healthcare provider who will assess adults (and it can be tougher yet to find someone who is actually *good* at it; unfortunately, many are incompetent). I am currently undergoing the process of being formally diagnosed. I have the name of one practitioner, possibly two depending on your location. Please feel free to let me know if you’d like their information 🙂

      Hmmm…to include on a CV or not to include on a CV? That is the question 🙂 Personally, I haven’t “come out” professionally as of yet; there are still too many misconceptions about Asperger’s/autism in my area, and it would be really risky for me to do so, given my job. But some people may not be in as much of a bind; some companies are indeed beginning to actually seek out people on the spectrum, as they’re starting to recognize some of our unique talents. That’s a relatively new thing; I’ve only seen it in the past couple months or so, but how it will turn out, time will tell 🙂


  13. You are so very not alone. I am a leftish leaning Australian woman, I dislike guns, I have no understanding of the US outside of sitcoms, I am probably too PC (not wanting to offend), BUT…I am so much like you it isn’t funny! Our top coats may be different, yet we are both made of the same material. Many of those who have responded here are of ‘our’ tribe. We are so not alone. And it feels like I’ve finally found home!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awesome!! I’m cheering for you. I’m also cheering because I got to “meet” 😊 someone like you! “It’s all good” (as I like to say) that we’re different on the surface; I think our common core matters more. I respect (and celebrate!) differences between myself and others and it’s incredibly refreshing to find other people of the same cloth. Very nice to meet you! Thank you for reaching out to me (and the others who feel the same way) 😊. Thank you ever so much ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, no worries! I reckon our differences are what we learn more from. That space between us is where we discover what we have yet to grow within ourselves.

        Very pleased to have discovered your blog. It feels absolutely amazing to know you, and others like us, exist. I’d have never found my other ‘ugly ducklings’/swans had it not been for the internet.

        Well, I’m stoked to be sharing this journey with you. 😆

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I know I’m a little (OK–a lot) late in replying to this, but thank you so much for the reblog. I love your blog, btw!! 🙂


  14. Reblogged this on Under Your Radar and commented:
    It happens to the best of us. I think of it as one of our rites of passage — traversing the gauntlet of autism orthodoxy & self-dx deniers. Some survive, others succumb. It’s a pity we can’t all pull together.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Basic rulz I figured out- we don’t hold hands well bcuz we all need to go to our corners, our loyalty is misinterpreted even among our kind, we feel smothered and needy at the same time, we love everyone even tho we hold grudges and hate everyone, we need perspective and context but we all get the calculators and dictionaries out drawing lines and defining what we think we’re seeing, on and on. Short version- it’s ok to like ourselves, and it’s ok when others get grumpy. Mostly just learn how to stay on the surfboard and watch out for sharks. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I realize that I’m (really) late in replying to your comment, but I wanted to thank you for it. You summarized it quite well! I can totally relate 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. lol, I’m so bad at comments I strongly encourage my readers not to comment at all but to quietly lurk. Not sure why, but I don’t handle convos very well after my head stuff, even if it’s 100% positive. If I’m commenting on *anyone’s* blog, it’s a big deal, haha. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I got dx’d some years ago before it was cool or anywhere near safe to come out about anything. I think I’m just more seasoned, have already been through the self assessing, like walking into a new room out of an elevator feeling. We don’t realize the power we have just opening our eyes to ourselves. Breaking free of judgement was the best thing that ever happened to me.

        Liked by 2 people

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