All the things I wasn’t

(Beginning note: this post was inspired by the song of the same name as the post title by the Canadian band The Grapes of Wrath.  An excellent video to the full album-recorded version of the song can be found here (link to video on Vimeo).)

We all know That One, or maybe Those Ones.  The ones who can be who they are, easily and effortlessly, without a care in the world.  The ones who could get away with anything, and we’d still love, like, or look up to them anyway.

I was never That One.  I never felt like I was pivotal or influential in anyone else’s life.

I spent my entire life wishing I could be.

But for whatever reason, nature dealt me this hand that is half-magical, half-debilitating.  Nature has both a yin and a yang, a sense of humor and a mean streak.

Because I never knew I “had” Asperger’s (in quotes because I know that it’s something I am, not something I have), I’ve always had a hard time defining myself based on what I am.  It had become a lot easier to define myself based on what I wasn’t…

…..The popular girl

…..The trend-setter

…..The charismatic leader

…..The sullen one everybody gave a free pass to and loved anyway

…..The hard one that nobody messed with

…..The one who got noticed

…..The one who got understood

…..The one who wound up in the right place at the right time

…..The one anybody believed in

…..The one who could just get to the point

…..The one who could make it through the day without inadvertently offending someone

…..The one who could refrain from playing devil’s advocate

…..The competent one who got picked/chosen

…..The one people looked up to

…..The one anybody listened to

…..The cool one that people think of

…..The powerful one

…..The assertive one who could properly defend herself

…..The easygoing one who could let it roll off

…..The one who could see the obvious

…..The one who could fit in

…..The one who could do no wrong

…..The pretty one

…..The lucky one

…..The funny one

…..The forgivable one

…..The lovable one.


(Image Credit: Shawna Erback)


  1. Despite the fact I’ve not known you long you’re the one I ask for help when I need a truly intelligent brain to help me figure stuff out. And one of the very few people I’ve chosen as a friend recently. Because I think you are gorgeous, funny and kind. I love your enthusiasm and warmth; and I am forever impressed with how incredibly insightful you are. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow ❤️❤️ I’m at a loss for words. You are so awesome, a truly shining light. I know it sounds cliche and is probably insufficient but the feeling is 100% mutual!! 😊😊💐

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Who is the judge of who is “the one”? You are the one whose blog I have been reading. You are the one who takes the time to consider these things and do the many other things you seem to fit into your day! I wrote the best reply ever to your last blog and the window crashed as I was trying to post. Fate intervened to remind me that all of this is just thinking – their reality is the one we choose to give them. My deepest respect and gratitude to you. Don’t let anyone bring you down. None of us are that special. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thank you, you rock 😊❤️ Thank you so much for your kind words. Much wisdom. Your points are well-taken; thank you for the reminder 💐


  3. I so understand this – I would go further – the ‘one’ suggests singular yet I was ‘the one’
    – who wasn’t the popular girl
    – who wasn’t the trendsetter
    – who wasn’t the cool one
    – who couldn’t fit in
    – etc! !

    Yet you are ‘the one’ who can describe this and who leaves others finally understood and a place to fit in – your writing resonates with our lives where words and meanings cannot always be expressed – thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so spot-on; I love your “wasn’t”s! Should I edit the post to change that? 🙂

      Thank you very, very much for your compliment; you are very kind ❤ ❤


  4. If it is any consolation, you are not alone. I read this post with a heavy heart. I felt every sentence you wrote. It stings, to be That One, and not The One. I have no other words of wisdom, for I feel the same, and I’ve NO idea how to reconcile it all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, dear one 😊😊. I wish I had an answer! But I don’t, at least not yet. At least after writing this and reading the wonderful comments, I indeed don’t feel so alone, and I wish for the same peace for you, too 😘💜💙


  5. (i think youre a little more charismatic than you realize. but i guess that depends on whether you define charisma in effect on individuals, or the sheer number of individuals affected. you wanna know a secret? i think both of those legitimately count.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll buy that 😉💖

      (Thank you! ❤️)

      Guess what? 😊. In an awesome quirky way, you’re pretty charismatic yourself ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh yeah. You do 😊. I chuckle warmly when I read your comments ❤️. (I nod at most of them, too!)

          Liked by 1 person

          1. you bring me many (quite literal) smiles. i LOVE that you nod ❤ and you (jsut be being you) produce pretty much the full range of positive emotions and feelings i can have. ❤ ❤

            Liked by 1 person

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