Therapy / coaching for Asperger’s / autistic people: a need, or simply a benefit?

(This post is simply my take on my own situation; others’ situations and conclusions will vary 🙂 )

I was talking with a friend yesterday about my excitement about moving forward, getting started on my formal assessment process.  I mentioned that this would also give me a firmer starting point when seeking ongoing therapy/coaching, for issues like anxiety, communication, executive function, and time management.

She said, “well, yeah–we could all benefit from that.”

On one hand, yes, she’s absolutely right.  On the other…

…*sigh*.  Yet one more example of “everybody experiences that” in reference to the erroneous comparison of Asperger’s/autism with neurotypicality.

Is it possible to want to hug and strangle someone at the same time?

She proceeded to say (with good intentions) that she wasn’t so sure I “needed” the therapy/counseling/coaching.  She added that sure, it would certainly be beneficial, but I had already achieved so much on my own, without such supports.

She’s spot-on correct…

…and she’s also dead wrong. (*Sigh* again.)

Yes, I’ve achieved a fair amount in my life.  I’ve worked my ass off and I do indeed have something to show for it.

But surface appearances aren’t everything.  I put on a good (OK–at least, decent) act.  I somehow made it through school, and I now have a license and a solvent practice.

But at what price?  I paid dearly.  The costs are largely internal, hidden, invisible…

…at least to others (thankfully).

But how long will that last?

How long can I keep up those appearances?

How long do I have before someone notices my shortcomings?

How long do I have until my energy runs out and cracks appear in that facade?

Truthfully, it’s already starting to happen.  I’m noticing it.  It’s taking more and more energy to mask, to act, to give the impression that I’m “normal”.  The energy requirement is taking its toll, and I’m not sure how much longer I can muster it.

I’m thinking back to this…


What might have started out as an optional luxury for optimum performance and quality of life has begun to morph into a need for continued survival.

My friend admitted that she is indeed a third-party outsider, who knows only what she sees, and that there’s a difference between her observations and my living the situation every day.  She also clarified her previous statements by saying that she simply didn’t want me to shortchange myself and overlook or forget what I have accomplished.

That rang true.  That, I can agree with.

And at that point, the mild urge to strangle was gone, replaced only with the desire to hug. 🙂


  1. It’s amazing how little people actually know the real us because we have to get good at passing just to them in our lives. I’d be a super recluse in a cave if I didn’t work to pass. Would anyone notice that’s odd? They have no idea the emotional jags I go through over just being a person. I somehow don’t buy that we all go through that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hear, hear! I completely agree. While everyone has challenges, simple observation tells us that certain things that are difficult for us are fairly easy for the allistic world. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. *Sigh* Even my mother, with whom my two boys and I live, still cannot get her head around my diagnosis. She ‘forgets’ how tired I get, how ‘not interested’ I am… because I appear so normal.

    The whole therapy thing – I tend to go with if it ain’t broke, don’t fix, BUT who is telling you it is broke…?!

    As for formal diagnosis, do it for your own peace of mind; not for anyone else. It has not changed a thing for my eldest or I. At all. All it has done is give a name to a set of weirdness that shadows who we are. No more acceptance, understanding, curiosity even; nothing. Just two hefty bills and a label. Oh hang on…there is one benefit. I’ve come across a group of people like me. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen! (Clapping!). Thank you for sharing your perspective 😊.

      Yep, I’m doing it mostly for me; I’m finding it helpful to have my suspicions corroborated.

      I’m finding it even more beneficial to meet a bunch of awesome people (yep–like yourself! I genuinely mean that).



    2. I’m real sorry to hear about the people close to you failing to understand. That part stinks. I hope she comes around soon. ❤️💐


      1. Lol. Thanks, Ms Wave. I don’t think mum will ever be ok with my diagnosis. She is nearly 70, very old fashioned mentality, and, dare I say it, probably a spectrumite herself. But we don’t suggest such a thing! Could not possibly be so!?! To accept me is to entertain her own place on the spectrum. Just a no-no. Much better to keep the status quo and let her be angry at me. 😐

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh for some coaching! If nothing else just someone to confirm what and how allistic people think and function rather than relying on my limited interpretation skills. A translator! (Although a PA would be awesome yespleasethankyouverymuch!!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wouldn’t that be so cool?? I think I’ll go for some coaching after the new year, finances permitting 😊 I could certainly use some help with time management, executive function, relationships, communication, and dealing with the emotional aspects of the health issues. Thank you so much for your support, luv! The feeling is mutual! 😘💜💙


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