Like glitter [autistic poetry]

Every time I swear that it’s the last time
Just one last time
Just can’t take it
Every defense I build it blows right through it
Pushes past it
Just can’t make it
Every sense I get that it’s a bad one
It’s an even worse one
It knocks me down and
I ask the teacher above what’s my lesson
Where’s the balance
Help me understand

I think each time that I’ll pull through it
Before it falls apart
And each time I’m disappointed
And strangled around the heart
It just keeps on growing
I knew it from the start
Please grab my hand and…
Pull me through it

Every time I think you’ll see me through this
See me through it
See right through me
I’m not expecting you to shake your head and
Bow your head and
Decide to screw me
Every time I picture you
Your expression haunts me
Never wants me
Far flung me
I’m not expecting the other shoe to drop
It drops on me
Lands not far from me

Do you like me like glitter
Before it becomes a storm
Do you like me like a rainbow
Even though it changes form
Maybe it’s time to pull together
Before we fall apart
Maybe next time I’ll be better
With a bigger heart

Every time I try to talk to you
You turn it back on me
Turn against me
Every year there’s another “next year”
So many “next year”s
It wears down on me

Maybe next time we’ll do better
And we won’t fall apart
Maybe next time there’ll be a rainbow
After we change form
And everything will shine like glitter
And there won’t be any storm
Maybe I’ll catch you on the next one…

Catch you on the next one…

Catch you on the next one.

---

(I actually wrote this in October 2013; it’s interesting that I found it in a pile of papers today  I wrote it with the song “Mad World“, as covered by Gary Jules (but originally written by Tears For Fears), running through my head (link to the Gary Jules cover’s video).)