feeling thoughts [autistic poetry]

(I wrote this four years ago, about someone whom I’ll call the female love of my life.  (I’m asexual but bi-romantic.)  And today, I thought I would share it with you.  The song running through my head at the time that I wrote this is a beautiful, simple, wistful, song (which I highly recommend!) by Beacon called “Feeling’s Gone” (link to video).  The piece doesn’t match up with the song, but you’ll get an idea of where my head was at.)  🙂

Delicate thoughts
Fragile memories of what once was

A book of pictures
Driving on the open mind
All the freedom in the world
No concrete place to go

Sneaking glances at you
Busy eyes protect a turbulent mind

I had a vision
That you liked me in another way
I had a vision

Broken thoughts
Make their gradual way to the floor
I light my candles
Until you’re safely through your front door

Light would catch your eyes
Gorgeous windows into a turbulent mind

I had a vision
That you liked me in a different way
I had a vision

Treading thoughts
I’d love to swim in the same deep water as you
Show me submersion
Waves of green and blue

I’d rather be sneaking glances at you
I’d rather see into your turbulent mind
I’d rather be driving on the open road
But only if I could see the light catching your eyes

I had a vision
That you liked me in a special way
Yes I had a vision

(Written April 9, 2013)


(Image Credit: Android Jones)


    1. Thank you so much, my lovely! I’m sorry for the delay in replying; I think my WordPress app has become unstable again, and it’s not showing me every comment. :/ Thank *you* so much for sharing and being you, too! Your comment is beautiful and so spot-on ❤ ❤


    1. Her, me as an adolescent when I met her, me now, and my (male) partner 🙂 Although that’s not to insinuate that it’s a “group” thing – when I first came across the picture, I was mainly drawn to the connection between the two primary beings, especially without any gender clarity. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Once again your gorgeous soul is shining! Your words paint a beautiful picture! Love is love and it’s a beautiful thing to give and to receive. Thank you for sharing your heart!❤💛💚💙💜💘💖💞💗💕💓💗💟💌👭😍😍✨🌟🌠🌈

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, thank you so much! So true 💚💙💜. Love is sometimes elusive for me because I unexpectedly oscillate back and forth between total submersion and distance. But when love strikes, it strikes. I often don’t realize it. Funny story: I had met my partner online and gone out on 2 “dates”, which each lasted a long time, and we had struck up a solid friendship with a lot of common ground in unusual ways. I knew we would be good friends for a long time, but I didn’t know I had a crush on him, until I was grocery shopping with my mom and I kept talking about him. He and I had plans for our 3rd date that Friday, which was just a couple days away. With my mom, I stopped in the middle of a sentence and said, “you know what? I just realized that I don’t want to date anybody else.” My partner and I went on that 3rd date, which never ended lol 😉. And other times, I feel a magnetism that I can’t shake. It penetrates and permeates everything, almost hijacking my being 😊❤️. I think you might like this post from a few months ago 😁. https://thesilentwaveblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/17/the-fondness-spectrum/



  2. I think you are a magnificent person! I love your poetry and your blog. I love that sentence you wrote that you were asexual but biromantic. I’ve never heard that sentence and it made me ponder sexuality and love and matters of the heart and how it does and doesnt pertain to gender. You get me thinking!
    I think…I wish….we were all asexual and all biromantic. That we just truly loved who we were meant to love and that their gender mattered none.
    I may be rambling on like a crazy person, sorry if I am not making one bit of sense.
    I loved your poem.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I IS overrated!
        My daughter has a good friend that is asexual and biromantic and she is is so secure in who she is and how she feels. I look up to this 21 year old girl because at such a young age she is looking for what is beneath the skin. Everyone else is looking at breast size and body weight and social world puts these pressures on what is ok and not ok.
        My old acupuncturist said she did not label herself but that she loved who she felt she was meant to love. For a number of years it was a man. For anumber of years it was a woman. I honestly feel I could have gone either way. Although I’ve never discussed it much less put it on a blog comment :)!!!!!!
        I know the root and basic authentic self of me is to love others and to love nature and to feel love. And that is it. All the other stuff is just layers. Thanks for accepting my comment!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. This was very beautiful Laina, so if I get it correctly the dude didn’t want you but you wanted him and “the front door” was that a metaphore for…. you know? Anyways, I get confused with these deep poems, nice read though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! 😘❤️. Actually it’s a woman 💟. She doesn’t share my (asexual, bi-romantic) orientation, and had/has no idea that I feel this way about her 💚💙. The front door reference is literal 😊


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