Stone wall [autistic poetry]

This piece of autistic poetry was inspired by a combination of how I feel in crowded spaces and the song “Teller” by Throwing Muses (link to album cover-only video) (Throwing Muses and their lead singer Kristin Hersh rock my world!  They have for more than 20 years.  Kristin herself is neurodivergent.)

“How are you this morning?”
“I don’t really know,”
I said to the stone wall
What do I even look like?
But I don’t want to know, I
Didn’t want to go

Crowds of people making rounds around the room
Make mingling look effortless
You project a
Nice persona; how do you do that?
I don’t know, I don’t know

I have no fear of dying
I have a greater fear of man
Sitting on the sidelines
Waiting to understand
At least I’ve got my stone wall
Although I find it hard to blend
You project a
Nice persona; they seem to like it
I wouldn’t know, I wouldn’t know

Can I get deep here for a minute?
I tried to take my cues from the most captivating one
Waiting for a leader
Praying that I was a copy machine

Tell me what to say
Tell me what to do
Tell me when to stop
Tell me if I did OK

***

(Image Credit: Mario Sanchez Nevado)

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54 Comments

    1. Aww thank you, dear one! ❤️

      Hehe you’re probably going to chuckle 😉 – I wrote a post about exactly how I get my images on my “other” blog 😁😁

      https://wholoveskitty.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/readers-ask-i-love-your-blog-pictures-how-do-you-find-them/

      (I do have it on my to-do list to go through all of the posts on here and add links to the artist, at least for the ones in which I can trace the source 😁💖)

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This was fantastic as usual! This was the part that hit the deepest though…
    “Can I get deep here for a minute?
    I tried to take my cues from the most captivating one
    Waiting for a leader
    Praying that I was a copy machine”

    It reminds me of trying to mimic people around me all my life, trying to get through all these social situations without a clue. I would end up copying the wrong people, and then it would push people even further away from me because I wasn’t being myself.

    (Ashley)

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I saw that you liked the militantnegros blog post about me. I just wanted you to know that it was about me personally and every single word was a lie. I did not specifically call him out on my blog and yet he slandered me and said personal information about my daughter, who is a minor. It is …..positively disgusting that a person would use my diagnosis and slander me. Not one word he spoke was true. Not one. He just , I guess, felt guilty that he felt I wrote 2 blogs about him. Just wanted you to know because I read it and saw your name on there and was like oh no I need to let her know that this is the ultimate low for a human being to do this. He reads my blog. He knows exactly what I am going through. To write lies about me….I just…I am at a loss. Just wanted to let you know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh shizz! I’m so sorry girl, I did not know that it was about you! I must have missed that. Holy moly, I’m so sorry you got caught up in something like that. Wow. That’s utterly horrible! Please please know that when I liked it, I didn’t know it was about you! 💐💐🌺

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m so glad you’re protecting yourself, luv. There are many, many people out there and while there are many of us who feel a sense of freedom in that we’re able to be *more* honest due to our anonymity, there are others who hide behind false personas and manipulate people. I’ve heard about so much tragedy due to online interaction that it’s surreal. Just wow. I totally understand your need to mark your blog as private; I’ve seen a general trend in that direction. Although it’s a small one for now, I have seen a slight uptick in private blogs, and probably for similar reasons. I did request an invite to your blog because I love your writing and your thoughts, but please don’t feel obligated to accept it 💙 Either way, I will never, ever betray any confidence 💗💗

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I’m SOOO frustrated!!!! I have all of these people who have sent me requests but I have not received one. Not one notification. So I must have done something wrong but I’ve asked advice from another private blogger and she said all she did was click private and automatically people got to request access and she got an email notification. I didn’t get a notification in my email of any requests. So I must be missing something.
            I loved NOT being anonymous. I loved being able to be me and tell me story. I felt a strength in that. I had no idea someone would use it against me, create lies, etc. i had 1700 followers and now I have 1300 so people read what he wrote and unfollowd me which is disheartening because he is a liar. My husband read it and just said he was so pathetic. I mean. We know the truth but how is a blogger to know.
            Now I don’t seem to know how to make private work…alas….I am frustrated!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. That sucks!! 💐💐💐. Wow, 400 people gone?? That’s a big drop, and I’m so, so sorry that happened to you 💐💞. Maybe it’s like a forest fire – a lot of tragedy, destruction, pain, etc, but necessary sometimes, and prunes the scrub to make way for new life to grow? Just think – 1300 people saw through that and stuck with you anyway, and now you know who your real friends are 💓💓

              Like

              1. ❤️❤️ i am totally fine with 50 followers if they are pure in heart and need to connected with someone. the number doesn’t really matter anymore. it was a shock to see but I am over it

                Liked by 1 person

          2. Well i had to make it public! Oh well. I will spend a few days researching to find what i did wrong. For now it is back to being public and i have addressed minimally the subject at hand

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey there, I saw that you liked my comments on BBB’s post so I decided to check out your blog. Upon reading your About page I must say you sound like a very interesting person, and I mean that in a good way. It also warms my heart to hear that you’re from South Texas. I’m from South Central Texas. I feel a little less alone here now. Furthermore, seeing as you’re a fellow Texan I have no choice but to follow you now, so you have another fan and I look forward to reading your work!

    Liked by 1 person

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