I had planned to post something today…

…and golly, it looks like I am!  ๐Ÿ™‚

But I meant for this to be a slightly different post than it is.

I think I lost a friend today, which has done a couple things.

First, I feel sick.  I’m truly sorry it happened, although I don’t know what I could have done differently.  It’s a big deal to me to lose someone, or to know that someone believes I disrespected or ignored or hurt them.

I won’t go into details except to say that I promise, to all of you, that it’s never, ever my intention to make someone feel that way.

I know that there are probably comments sitting out there on some posts that I haven’t yet responded to.  Sometimes I don’t end up seeing them until I manually go through each post (this number 591) and scroll through the comments to ensure I’ve replied to all of them.  I may only do a review like this every few months or so, so you might see an extraneous notification that I replied to a comment you left 5 days ago, or even 5 weeks or 5 months ago.  :O  

I do apologize for that!  

This is particularly true for comments that got sent to my spam folder (dang WordPress!  I know that its intentions are good, but…), or comments that came in on a day during which a lot of notifications came in.  I usually use the WordPress app, and my version is outdated, but my iOS will not support the newer version, so until I upgrade the iOS (and probably screw up my mobile in the process ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), I’m kinda stuck where I am.  (And my browsers on my laptop and desktop are no better; the app actually outperforms them (!))

I’m also having some personal trouble at this point.  It’s too depressing to go into here, but we’ll suffice it to say that yes, even a doctor can be flat broke.  Starting a practice from scratch and wanting to actually help people outside of the confines of insurance will do that ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The past few days have been like, Are You There, God?  It’s Me–Laina!

So, my energy is running a bit low, and I’m needing to tend to some work issues and some mental health issues and practice some extra self-care.

This may or may not also mean that I may need to take a (hopefully short) break.  Or maybe not.  My crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear, so… ๐Ÿ˜‰

(But wouldn’t it be cool if it was?  Hello Side Income!  Hello Misunderstanding Prevention!  How the hell are ya??)

Lol.  I laugh because my other option is to cry.  And I don’t look so great with puffy eyes.  It’s kinda scary, actually.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

I know that everything is temporary if you give it enough time (Thank You, Shawshank Redemption!)

And this rough state of my recent life probably is, too.

Just wanted to put that out there.  I don’t want anyone to feel unloved or ignored, because that just ain’t me; that’s not how I roll.  I know most of y’all know that, so this is likely a really boring post with nothing new, but just in case anyone had any doubts…

โค

โค

โค

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101 Comments

    1. Thank you so very much, my lovely! How right you are, especially about friends and money ๐Ÿ™‚ (Thank goodness those 2 problems aren’t related in my life right now, but, well, maybe it’d be easier if they were?) ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you for your warm wishes, dear friend โค

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Hehe I don’t know either; I’m likely to drop the ball at some point, on someone ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ’—. In truth, the levels of interactivity are pretty variable, so there are layers of the circle. Not that anyone is more or less important, it just is what it is, and it’s usually not quite as intense as it looks ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’™. But yeah, sometimes it can get that way. I’m kinda extroverted online but (extremely) introverted in person, if that makes sense ๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’—

          Liked by 3 people

          1. Ha, yes, I think I know exactly what you mean. I say something similar about myself. I have some theatre and standup comedy training which has equipped me with the ability to simulate extroversion when I need to (job interview, family gatherings, etc.), but it’s tiring and a bit nerve wracking. As a rule, if I can avoid people I do. โ˜บ

            Liked by 3 people

            1. How cool! That training would be really neat, I think ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ. Where did you get that? University? ๐Ÿ’—. Gosh yes, I find the simulation profoundly tiring as well ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ. I don’t necessarily need to sleep afterward or anything, but I feel like my brain is tired, has been fried, taxed, exhausted from being around people or out and about, etc. Yikes! ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜Š. I take the same approach; avoidance where possible ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ’œ

              Liked by 3 people

              1. My High School had a pretty good performing arts program, and in addition to performing in plays I took lots of acting, dance and voice classes. Prior to doing that I had no extroversion skill and was quite shy. But I didn’t continue in college, and it wasn’t until I was in my late thirties when I started working on standup comedy in the clubs near where I was living then (Montreal, QC). I did that as a hobby for about 5 years, but eventually let it go, although I still like to write jokes (or try har har). It was a lot of fun, and it was great for building my extroversion “tool kit.”

                Liked by 2 people

                1. That’s too cool! How useful, too! And it sounds like fun ๐Ÿ˜. Montreal, really?? I’ve never been, but I’ve been to QC; would love to visit Montreal ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ “Extroversion Tool Kit” – I love that! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ’“

                  Liked by 1 person

  1. Laina… this touched me. I’m sorry for this rough patch you’re going through. You share a great deal of yourself and sometimes it’s overwhelming and maybe draining. I feel for you but you’re so full of lovely energy! This post showed that.

    I’m not sure what the circumstances were behind you losing a friend. I’m hoping, if they were a true friend, they would come back. Maybe they would kick your ass if needed but then… they’d hugs right back!!

    So… fork it! You keep going and spread your happy! Chin up! I’m sure something’s brewing around that’s gonna change your life! ๐Ÿ˜‰ For the better!

    Signed…. a friend. ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Awww! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“. Girl, your comment touched me more than I can say ๐Ÿ’œ. You’re spot-on, of course! Amen! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

      I have found that when one door closes, another one opens, or maybe sometimes more than one. You’re absolutely right about true friends. One thing that triggers me (into anxiety, sadness) is accusations (that are inaccurate, to boot) without hearing me out, because there’s always a (legitimate) explanation. I’m also human; I’ve proven that to enough website Captchas that I’m not a robot lol ๐Ÿ˜‰. And, well, humans make mistakes; might overlook something or forget something, or maybe something comes up and I might forget to check a website or I might need to tend to something else and be away from my computer or personal stuff for a while. I don’t like it, but it happens. Gotta work, tend to my partner and cats, call my mom, etc every so often ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ’ž. So yeah, you’re totally right!! ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words, your caring, your support, and most of all, your friendship! ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think, yes I do think once in a while!! That you should start to say “I screwede up so I move on”, At least is what I do, why torture yourself? Now is pointless since your not going to go back in time and do it or say it another way. So why cry about it and torture yourself, you learned the lesson so hopefully you won’t repeat it anymore in the future.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you very much, my friend ๐Ÿ˜˜. This time, it honestly wasn’t anything I said, more like what they thought I didn’t say, and what they thought I did (that I absolutely didn’t). I sincerely don’t think I could’ve done anything different. I apologized anyway, genuinely, and I don’t think it made much difference, at least that I can see right now. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

      You’re right, hopefully it doesn’t happen again in the future, although I don’t know how to avoid it, since it was nothing I did intentionally, technology was involved, and the situation could be chocked up to the other person’s perception, what they *thought* I did, without giving me a chance to explain my position (at least, it seems like it; the entire discussion has been deleted and I’ve gotten no response). So yeah, once I’m done processing, I’ll be able to stop torturing myself ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ. Thank you so much for offering up your thoughts! Excellent points ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Sending hugs to you my friend ๐Ÿ’› ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’› I’m sorry this has happened. Some things are unavoidable and we know you have a good heart. You can only do your best with the resources you have available.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so, so much, my lovely! ๐Ÿ˜˜โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’—. You nailed it–unavoidable indeed! Thank you and people like you for being so understanding and for knowing how I truly am. You’re the bomb! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐ŸŒบ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’Ÿ

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re right about the temporary thing, but it’s hard to believe when you’re in the middle of it – believe me, I know.
    I just wanted to say that I never feel ignored or unloved or anything like that when you don’t react to all of my comments. Just as I hope that you don’t feel unloved if I don’t react to all of your posts. I’m sure you know, just wanted to say something reassuring.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Awww! Thank you bunches, dear one ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜. I really really appreciate that. It *is* hugely reassuring to me; I never doubted that from you or thought anything about you like that; it just feels really good to hear for the record, if that makes sense ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Sorry that you are going through this rough patch. It is sad to lose friends but you can’t hold on to someone unless they are also willing to work at it which includes patience, kindness and forgiveness. We can only do our best. And even if we do make mistakes, that’s human, isn’t it? We could all do with more grace and forgiveness. Isn’t that the whole point of Jesus’ message? Hope your situation will improve. God bless.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Amen, and amen, luv ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’Ÿ. You’re absolutely right, on all points! I can only let them go if they want to go. It’s a shame and it hurts, but yep, I’m human. And the first clue I had that this person was mad at me was a huffy goodbye message that I couldn’t believe I was reading (!). My jaw dropped and I’m all “nononono that’s not the case at all!” I wish it had turned out differently, but so far, it hasn’t. I still leave the door open, I don’t hold any ill will toward them, which is one of the reasons I’m not mentioning names publicly (some commenters are mutual friends), but yep, the world in general could do with a little more forgiveness all around! Thank you so much for your reassuring words! ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•. God bless you too ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ž๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒŸ

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Siempre, perder a alguien, duele. Pero repito lo que leรญ en un blog que recibo a diario: “NO HAY QUE ACORDARSE DEL ERROR, SINO DE LA CORRECCIร“N”. Un abrazo y gracias por tus posts. .) ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Sounds like some crossed wires and such a sad way for a friendship to end (even if temporarily) when of course the way they felt was never your intention. Do they know this? I hope they do, maybe they’ll come around it time, they could have their own ‘stuff’ going on. Sounds like you have a lot to contend with and the work/finance side of things likely isn’t helping your stress levels! But you’ve got this, you can do it, we all have faith in you! As for blogging and comments etc, all of this can wait. Put yourself first, take time out to make sure you’re doing okay mentally, and know that you’re not alone. Hugs – things can and will get brighter soon ย โ™ฅ
    Caz x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Caz! Thank you so much for your comment, dear one ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’“. Yep, they know ๐Ÿ˜”. I hope they do come around with time ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and I agree with you; looks like they may have their own Stuff going on ๐Ÿ’ž. What you said is so encouraging! So awesome to know that y’all have my back ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผโ˜ฎ

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Hey sis, glad to see you’re using self-care. I share in your frustration of misinterpretations and oversights affecting relationships. It makes me incredibly forgiving of other people, at least. I’m not a medical doctor, but nevertheless, I’m writing you a “prescription” to give yourself a break for missing something every so often on this blog. You’re incredibly welcoming, informative, and responsive. Yay, you!!!!! You do so much; maintain contact, update, respond, and on top of all that, you still find time to read our blogs!

    So… Give yourself a break, then remind yourself how remarkable you are. Love you!!! (I need to reboot to restore emoji.) Imagine lots of hugs, kisses. Mwah!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww!! Thank you so much, Wiser Sister! I think I’m going to sing and journal and play keyboard (with headphones on lol) and whatnot! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽค๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽน๐Ÿ’“

      Thank you bunches for your scrip! I’m writing you one back, to play your drums, belt out some Evanescence tunes, and play guitar with some Stevie Nicks tunes too ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’–

      You’re incredibly awesome and amazing! Your blog posts are either hilarious, heartfelt, or both! And so right on! Love you bunches! Big love and hugs/kisses to you! Mwah!! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŽค๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

      Liked by 2 people

        1. You’re awesome, girl!! ๐Ÿ˜˜โค๏ธ I need to let you know just how much you brighten my life. Words fall short, which sucks, and there aren’t even enough emojis (lol ๐Ÿ˜‚), but let’s just say that it’s more than I can ever explain, and I think of you many times daily!! ๐Ÿ’ช๐ŸŽคโ˜ฎ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ’—

          Liked by 2 people

          1. That makes me so happy!!! I hold you in my thoughts, as well, sis. I accidentally pressed something on my keyboard that disabled my emoji (again LOL.) <3<3<3<3<3<3 (imagine them looking lovely heh.)

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Lol! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜. Wait–are you electronics-jinxed too?? I know I am. Mr Kitty (my partner) swears I am too lol. ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ. I’m so super-happy that you’re happy!! It’s like I can feel it from here, this Spirit Sisterhood we’ve got going on. I’ve rarely if ever felt that before last year ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™. Such a cool connection!! ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

              Liked by 2 people

              1. Same!!! ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค— I never thought about it much, but I violate warranties and take things apart religiously which makes it mostly self-inflicted um… issues. ๐Ÿ˜‚

                Liked by 2 people

                1. Omg!! ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—. My “other” blog has a post about realizing I have EDS “and I screw up electronics” lol ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. (It’s in the May archives, I think? If you’re interested, just say the word and I’ll find it and make sure you get the link ๐Ÿ˜). Electronics just start behaving badly for me lol. No matter what it is, no matter how careful I am lol ๐Ÿ˜‚. Lol girl! We’re a lot alike, based on what you described ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’—๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ˜Ž

                  Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww! I’m ecstatic to have you on mine, too! ๐Ÿ˜. It makes me feel much more whole again ๐Ÿ’œ. Just the reinforcement and caring support alone have had such an amazing effect! Thank you, with every fiber of my being, and please know that the feeling is mutual! ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I think these sorts of things are bound to happen. You’re like a mother to a whole bunch of people on this site. I hope that didn’t sound wierd? lol! not in a literal sense.
    If you need to take time for yourself, then that’s what you do. If you wish to be a beacon to the world, you must tend to your own fire.
    I love this community, I really do. And I guess we’re in this together. All of us. Stay safe. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re so right, luv โค Thank you so much for your encouragement! I love this community, too ๐Ÿ˜€ The support and caring and virtual hugs I feel from people like you are what make it a great place to be. Thank you so much for that! ๐Ÿ™‚ The feeling is mutual, believe me โค โค

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Absolutely! โค Funny thing – I just received a gift from a friend that is…a meditation book! With some wooden meditation beads. They're beautiful, and the timing was perfect. This person didn't even know about what I've been going through, so it was one of those "meant to be" kinds of things. Very cool ๐Ÿ˜€

      Yeah, I do like the WP app a lot! Unfortunately, I think that's what kinda faltered for me, simply because the version I'm using isn't the current one, and the current version doesn't support my (outdated) iOS. (The current iOS has made people with my kind of mobile run slower, so I'm trying not to upgrade; stick-in-the-mud philosophy, I know, but it's what I've got right now ๐Ÿ™‚ ). I have seen some comments I've made using the app fail to show up, especially if I make them just before the app crashes (which is probably a few times a week; it was daily for a while, but not anymore, thank goodness!). This person also says I deleted a comment of theirs, and I know that I didn't. I don't know if something technological happened on their end or if this is another case of the WP site/app glitching on my end. *Sigh*. Yep, time to meditate (lol!) ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Thank you so much for your support and caring! I genuinely appreciate that โค โค

      Liked by 1 person

            1. Thank you girl! โค๏ธ. (Omg for some reason, my WP app shows that I’m not following your blog anymore? I’m going to click follow again to be sure; I hope that doing so doesn’t actually unfollow! I’ll check back to be sure ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ. I honestly don’t know how that happened, although it’s been happening to me with a couple other WP blogs lately ๐Ÿ˜ณ) ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Yeah, it’s been happening on my end too. So weird, and I’m not sure why. And I follow nearly 3,000 blogs, so if I lose someone, I often never know. So sad… ๐Ÿ™โค๏ธ

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  10. It is hard when you have a lot of followers and when there is a spam folder that you can’t always access. I had 20 in my spam folder and I approved them and now can’t even find where they went since they were sent a month ago!!! So I may never reply and look like an ungrateful ass but I truly am not. Just like you said, you do the best you can. I appreciate everyone who comments and reads my blog.
    I’m sorry you lost a friend.
    I hate losing a friend.
    At this point I hate losing anyone!
    I have a small pool of people that I trust and I don’t want to lose even a part of one of them.
    AND we cannot always be expected to say the right things. We don’t always have the right words for that person and can only speak from the heart and if it is taken some other way that is darn shame but you are doing the best you can and nothing more should be asked.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen, girl! I agree with *every* word. I love and treasure that I’ve been able to connect with so many wonderful people! However, it can be a bit hard to keep up sometimes, especially when offline life begins to exert its demands. And you’re absolutely right – the WP spam folder can be a little over-reaching; I pulled several comments out of the spam folder today. (Idea: I think WP should pretty much automatically approve a comment made by someone whose blog I’m following! It would stand to reason that I’d approve their comments on my blog ๐Ÿ˜‰ But WP doesn’t do that. I appreciate the tightness of the spam folder; not a single spam message has slipped by! But sometimes my friends’ messages get snagged and I don’t always have easy access to that folder to root them out right away.) Anyway… I’m here with you for the long haul, girl. It takes a whole lot to break that, and it doesn’t come as a surprise, out of nowhere. I hardly envision you being the type of person with whom that would happen, either. I totally feel you – I have trust issues as well, and those I trust more are indeed a small pool (you’re included in that pool) โค . I wouldn't want to lose any one of y'all either! And you're right on, too, about how doing the best we can should be sufficient, because that's all that's possible. I can rest soundly knowing that I've done the best I could at any given moment. I reckon I'm preaching to the choir on this one, too ๐Ÿ˜‰ โค

      Like

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