Well, The Silent Wave has certainly lived up to its name in the past couple of weeks (months?), hasn’t it? I certainly have been “Silent”. That wasn’t necessarily my intention, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re fighting a two-theater war.
The two-fold battle in question involves the battle that results from a need to keep meeting the pressures and obligations of everyday life when every instinctual fiber of your existence is screaming, “it’s winter! Hibernate already!”, and the second component is the February Dread of saying goodbye to winter (spring actually began whispering its first words on February 1st this year, in my neck of the trees), because super-heated temperatures are just around the corner. And the older one gets, the faster time passes. I’m already 40. And, I’m only 40.
In short, I’m enjoying the chill (perhaps a little too much) and wanting to revel in it, except that Life Happens, and I’d better Happen with it. And I also realize that my days of being able to sit on my upper-floor deck and overlook the courtyard between 2:30 and 6:30pm without drenching myself in sweat are quite numbered. Ahhh, the joys of residing in the “tropical desert”.
I think I feel something awakening inside, but, Because Alexithymia, I can’t tell for sure. I do know that a change is occurring on another level, though, and that is one of physical health. It’s been percolating for a while, and those early undercurrents have given way to a solid simmer, although not yet a boil (just wait till July).
This percolation-to-simmering of sorts is mind-body-based: a desire to get back into the Swing of Life. I’ve been reaching for that convenience food for too long (nevermind the “organic” or “all-natural” or “Made with Love” kumbaya on the front label; that’s just rah-rah marketing hype–it’s still devoid of nutrients, even if it tastes good and clinches my “fix”).
I’ve also been sedentary for too long (watching true crime shows does not, unfortunately, count as exercise). I’m not getting any younger, smarter, or more self-confident. My body image (and my mind image, which works the same way as body image – it’s the esteem in which you hold your intellect, and my cognitive esteem is medium at best) isn’t/aren’t improving.
Basically, it’s time. Time to do something. Time to make changes. Time to make it real.
Which means, for me, as one who lives on the Asperger’s/autism spectrum, that it’s time to take some baby steps and eventually incorporate this stuff into my routine. New stuff. Different stuff from what I’ve been doing. Because if I don’t do anything different, I’m not going to get a different result.
And I want a different result. I don’t want to feel exhausted after taking the recycling out. I don’t want my brain to keep talking itself out of going to the office. I want to feel like going into the office, and I want to be able to ultra-focus again without my brain suddenly shutting off a switch around lunchtime and saying, “that’s it, hang it up, let’s go home”. Yeah….no. I’m too young and too broke to be thinking like that.
So anyway, change… As an Aspie/autistic…
My Asperger’s/autistic operating system cannot be battled against, negated, or otherwise suppressed. It must be worked with, if I’m to have any success at achieving any goals. It must be accommodated, incorporated, cooperated with. It must be recognized and satisfied. Barriers are significant and legitimate and they must be dealt with. I have to hurdle the hurdles.
For me, this means baby steps. It means reaching out to my loved ones for support–namely, my partner, because he is there to provide the gentle nudge and physically do things with me. So last night, I poured out my brain to my partner, starting with the usual “I’ve got a few things swirling around my head…” that might make him cringe inside, but looking at him, one wouldn’t know it.
“I need to be more physically active, but I’m in a rut. I’m not getting any fitter, I’m not feeling any better, and I know I’ve been sitting around for so long that I forgot what I used to do when I was healthier. And I know that physical movement is going to be a big part of my healing story,” I told him.
Good. He was in Listening Mode.
I went on. “The way I see it, I’ve got 3 options. Option 1 is to join a gym, which would give me a designated area, designated hours, and the variety of machines I crave. But there are lots of barriers to that – it’s not in my routine and it would be a big chunk to add to said routine, and then there’s the idea of people looking at me while I work out. And I’d have to start small; I’m so de-conditioned and out of shape that I’d probably only be able to go for like 5 minutes at a time, and if the gym isn’t like on the way home, then my brain will talk me out of going all that way for just a 5-minute work out. If I’m working out around people, then I’d have to wear different clothes than I usually wear, and I’m not even sure what all fits anymore, and just the idea of going through the closets and trying things on is overwhelming. Obviously it is, because I haven’t even been able to bring myself to do it yet!”
He didn’t say anything, but he was was indeed still listening. Bless his soul.
So I went on some more. “Option 2 is that I could use the workout facilities here on the apartment grounds. No extra cost, no extra trip, it’s all right here. There isn’t quite the variety of machines, but it’s something. But here again, there’s that self-consciousness Thing, with the clothing and the uneasiness about people seeing me and all that. Option 3 is to get a treadmill for in our apartment, although I know our space and finances are limited. I think I’d like Option 2, the onsite workout room, because it’s nice and everything. But I’ve been so demotivated that I’m literally starting from zero. I haven’t even worked up the guts to go find out what the Open Hours are! Maybe if I had someone to nudge me and say, ‘let’s go up there’….”
He took the cue instantly. (There’s a reason I’ve been with my partner for almost 19 years!) “Let’s go up there right now. Come on, I’ll go with you. Let’s go.”
We walked up there (it’s across the courtyard, but that’s not a huge distance–maybe a two-minute walk). We found out that there’s a lockbox on the door, for which we don’t know the code, so we couldn’t get in. But hey–we took an important first step! We accomplished more last night than I have in three months (yes, I’ve been meaning to do this for three whole months!).
Baby steps, no matter how small, often gain momentum. This morning, at my request, my partner called the apartment management office to find out the answer to two questions: 1) the code to the lockbox on the workout room door, and 2) to find out which hours the room is open. They told us the key sequence, and also that it’s a 24-hour facility (!).
I’m actually excited about tonight, because tonight, we plan to go up there to accomplish my second Baby Step: a quick, non-committed walk-through and look-see (I’m coining the term “walk-see” (lol), here and now, which is a hybrid of “walk-through” and “look-see”).
Essentially, we plan to go up to the workout room, use the management-given key sequence to gain access, and then walk through the workout room to simply take inventory of the room itself. What kinds of machines are there? What features do the treadmills have? Some treadmills have a little cubby-space designed to hold a tablet device or music player; do any of their treadmills have that cubby, and if so, do they all have that cubby, or only certain ones? (Music and maybe even watching Netflix while walking are important to me right now.)
I’m not sure what the next Baby Step after that will be. Maybe it’s surveying the user traffic from hour to hour, simply glancing through the windows to see how many people are there and which machines they’re using, so that I can plan to go during slower times when the room isn’t crowded (although that’s what I’ve been meaning to do for three months, and I haven’t made any progress on that yet, so perhaps that’s too big a hurdle for me to hop over right now). So maybe that Baby Step is something like, “OK, self, let’s go over to the workout room at 2pm and then again between 5-6pm and note how many people are there at those two times. Let’s make that first trip tonight at 6pm, with the help of Mr Wave.”
He has already agreed to this. (Insert party emojis here!)
OK, now how about those packaged foods? Well, I’m a disaster in the kitchen. Seriously, I can turn on the stove and heat up a rockin’ teapot full of water to make tea or oatmeal, but that’s the extent of my domestic skills. My Asperger’s/autistic Operating System did not come with a Culinary Special Interest (or even a Culinary Skills) app in any way, shape, or form. File Under: Not Happening (*Sigh*). It’s a fact of life I’ve begrudgingly accepted.
But hey–I could get some herbal teas and green teas and whatnot that would be healthier (less sugar and fewer carbs, not to mention the therapeutic benefits of certain herbs and such), and I can at least start swapping out beverages. Instead of my Theo peanut butter cups (a shameless pleasure), I can opt for a Nacho-Cheese variety of kale chip, or perhaps a Pizza-themed variety of sprouted seed crackers. This is actually sounding kind of fun…
So on the way home from the office this morning, I stopped by the health food store to go exploring. One hundred and fourteen US dollars later, I had several teas, healthy snacks, and some brain- and energy-boosting supplements, not to mention a couple of mindfulness magazines to get me started. The magazines even have pretty pictures for my brain OS’s Visual app to salivate over.
It is possible to teach this old Aspie/autie dog new tricks! I’m learning (still in progress) that it comes down to…
- Identifying goals (that’s been a tough part)
- Identifying hurdles, roadblocks, barriers (another tough part)
- Brainstorming for solution options (not as tough as one would think but it depends on being able to do the first two)
- Breaking solutions down into bite-size Baby Steps my brain will accept
- Actually taking those Baby Steps (important!)
- Incorporating certain Baby Steps into my daily (or maybe a weekly) routine
- Gently telling myself we’re going to do this stuff and make these changes, even if I’m tempted to keep sitting here and munching on old familiar snacks
- Not letting myself get lax once I get going, even if I start to think “I’ve done well enough, I can coast for a bit”. No, that train of thought is a big part of what got me into this mess in the first place – but of course, giving myself the exceptions I truly need, such as having to meet a deadline at work or coming down with a cold/flu, etc.
These are all Executive Function functions. And Executive Function functions aren’t exactly my strong point. I’ve learned to cultivate compassion for myself here, because Executive Function issues are a common Aspie/autistic trait, one that probably won’t be going away any time soon. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn to work with it, within its parameters, and on its terms.
And work with it I shall. ❤
***
This is one of my more popular posts!
***
(Image Credit: Hans Walor)
❤
❤
❤
A great piece of writing…
Mike
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you Mike! I really, really appreciate that 😀 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to see you again Laina.
It’s great that you can analyse the situation and work out what you need, what will work and what may not work.
I’m a lazy person and I’m not a keen exerciser so my recent approach has been to eat better but eat less. So far I’m feeling better and hopefully, I’ll feel comfortable to at least go for a regular walk for exercise.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so very much, Gary ❤ I'm with you! I've been very lazy lately, a gradual downhill process over the past few years lol. I love your approach! I'm really glad you're feeling better. I hope you continue to feel better and better yet. 🙂 I'm standing beside you, walking beside you, all the way ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
SO HAPPY to see you back!!!! I’m glad to see that you are doing baby steps, be careful though that you don’t take on too much!…. It’s easy when you start to feel motivation to jump on the wagon and become a total healthy junkie….and just as easy to fall back off that same wagon. From one overthinker to another, pick one thing that stays constant even if everything else falls apart. 3 months ago for me that is 1 mile on the treadmill every day. Some days I do more, some days just getting that does it all i can handle, and yes there were a couple days i didnt make it…but i’ve been 95% true…good luck and glad to see you back!
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you bunches, Ms Grace!! Amen to what you said – not taking on too much 😀 Hehe I totally hear you, too on the over-thinking and whatnot 😉 I’ve been very uncharacteristically physically lazy, and that began to spill over into my cognition (oops!!) Some days more than others. I started to withdraw from life a bit, and I began to feel better after going out with friends, a few at a time 🙂 And then I started thinking, well, what if I replaced this snack with that snack? What if I went on a 10-minute walk today? Because sometimes I’d been living out a few entire days on the couch, which is kinda out of character for me and although it’s nice every now and then, it was becoming a way of life that was detrimental lol. So, getting back on my horse (again) (lol). Thank you SO MUCH for your encouraging words and for the warm welcome back 😀 😀 That makes my heart sing more than I can express in words ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
ah there you go, referring to the horse, how about a nice long horseback ride?….ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER… just being around them
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes!! I like the way you think 🙂 🙂 A nice long horseback ride sounds absolutely sublime!! I’m currently a city dweller (dang!), but I’m also a country girl at heart! In fact, my heart is more in the country, the city is more of a logistics thing lol. But I’m in Texas’s Hill Country, with plenty of ranches and whatnot not too far away…. 😉 You’re so right about the therapeutic effect of animals – for me it’s especially horses also (beautiful, majestic animals!!), and cats, and sometimes dogs. OMG they make me feel awesome. ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to hear from you, Laina, and I’m glad you’re alive & well or nearly so! I dread the return of spring because it means I have to start doing yardwork again, which is tedious and eats into what little free time I have. I like “walk-see”. When I took my own baby steps a few months ago, beginning to walk/jog with my daughter, we coined the term “walg”, as in, “let’s go for a walg after dinner.” Good luck!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you very very much! I love the “walg” term!! That’s perfect! Amen to spring – I love the season itself, but….. lol 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement, dear one! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good luck, good luck! You can do it, baby steps are brilliant and many baby steps add up to big progress. Go you! 😊
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, my lovely!! Your warm supportive words are perfect, and *exactly* what I needed this afternoon! I appreciate them so much 🙂 🙂 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome back!
I was seeing baby steps in my head, and then I scrolled down..
You have the right mindset. Naturally the body cycles down in
winter, those are firmly planted survival instincts. Cardio has
always been my go to exercise, either bike riding, an elliptical
trainer (in the gym), or swimming in the summer. Now that it
has warmed up, I force myself to go for a 30 minute ride as
soon as I wake up. I dread it every time, but once the fresh
air starts filling the lungs, it is a great feeling. Also working
out before you eat, puts you at negative calories for that day,
in essence giving you a “free breakfast”. which helps a lot.
It is great you have a gym on premises, I never understood
people getting in the car and driving to the gym for 20 mins,
that is taking 40 minutes away from the actual exercise time.
Low impact workouts are always advisable especially when
you are first getting started, stretching and cooldowns also.
I enjoyed what you wrote abut executive function. Having a
reflective type personality, I revel in the contemplative phase,
weighing options, imagining ideas, savoring the possibilities.
Blogging is a marathon and not a sprint, the same goes for
your fitness endeavors, have fun and find what works for
you! The rest is just getting in the habit of dedicating the time.
Sending good vibes and sunshine. 🌈 🌞
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you, lots and lots, for all your warm and friendly words! You possess amazing amounts of wisdom 🙂 Everything from the baby steps to the exercise to the marathon! And you nailed it, with the dedication of the time. That’s usually where I foul up. But that’s where I can make the most progress, too, right? 😀 Your good vibes and sunshine are palpable from here, and my heartfelt thanks for those! The good vibes and sunshine are mutual, my dear ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love the image. And I am guessing Autobiographical post it compliments.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you! I wish I could say I made the image, but alas… 🙂 I’m glad you think it fits well! I thought so, too 😀
LikeLike
walk-see✅
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe thank you!! Hi! It’s so good to connect up with you again 😀 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome back, coach! ☺
LikeLike
Loves this! I’m at the same place you’re at. I just started yo take baby steps myself. I used to workout 1-2 hours a day when I was at my best. I can’t do that now. So I’ve committed to 15-30 minute walks a day. I have to start somewhere and the couch it’s not it. 😊
Will be here cheering up for you. ✌🤗
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yes!!! Virtual physical activity buddies! I’m with you, girl! Thank you so much, Maria luv, for your warm words! It’s really nice to have company 😀 ❤ ❤
LikeLike
Brilliant writing as always. Baby steps are the way to go … better than no steps. There’s so many people out there feeling as you do – but few of them are brave enough to admit it. (I would say that, in itself, is more than a baby step.)
LikeLiked by 3 people
Amen, girl! 😀 No matter how small the step, so long as we’re taking them, we’re always moving forward, right? I love it! Thank you so much for your kind and caring words ❤ ❤ Xxx
LikeLike
(Basically, it’s time. Time to do something. Time to make changes. Time to make it real.)
Yes, sometimes we have to. Maybe that’s the very good time for us to consider ourselves preferred for what is incoming adventure.
😀
God Bless you 😉 You inspired someone like me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh wow, that’s too cool! I’m so happy and excited for you. You go, luv! 👍🏼👏🏼😊❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
yeahh!!!! 🙂
You’re welcome! Laina ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excited for you too. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, my lovely! 😊💓
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊💗💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad to see you’re back! I have been away a lot myself for awhile now. Hopefully we can both get back into the swing of things. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much, dear one! It’s really nice to see you too! Three cheers for us all 😊💜💙
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done. Baby steps is such a positive way to go and something I need to keep in mind. Maybe it could help get me of the couch…
❤💛💜
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, that couch is a definite temptress, an inviting and enchanting place, isn’t it? 😁. It sounds like we’re in pretty much exactly the same boat 😁💖🌟
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello, good to see you! Well, I know you’ve always been there somewhere. I know what you are saying, I live in a permanent state of “meaning to do”, hehe! Great that you are doing something, though. Executive function isn’t really my strength either, so baby steps are all it will take. I’m trying to make this year different, but it’s difficult. I’m no gym bunny, but I’ve signed up to the “Walk 1000 miles in 2018” challenge. You’ve got a whole year to do it, which means only 2 miles a day plus a bit extra on weekends, so it’s absolutely doable. I’ve got a few other baby steps on the go – hope to be inspired by you!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you bunches, my lovely! It’s awesome to see you, too! Yep, I’m never very far away from WP. Baby steps are the bomb, and they’ll eventually get us where we need to go 👍🏼😁. Wow! “Walk 1000 miles in 2018” – what a cool concept! I like how the numbers break down into something doable; it sounds insurmountable at first, but then if it’s only 2 miles a day, well that’s less than an hour a day, and then maybe a full hour or so on the weekend days, so that’s not too bad! Best of luck to you! May the force be with you 😘💪🏼🌟🏆💗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome back sweetie. I missed you.
Baby steps look fine to me. Setting goals, yes, but pacing yourself. And move your butt. Physical exercise is really a MUST.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you very much, luv! I’ve been missing you too! You’re so right about the physical activity; Motion is Life 👏🏼👏🏼😊💖🌟
LikeLiked by 1 person
A good way to live life, one careful step at a time! Welcome Back!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you so kindly, my friend! You’re absolutely right 😘❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m about to embark on an exercise protocol as well, and the barriers you talk about are something I know I’m going to have to deal with soon. Luckily for me, I get to start in physical therapy, but eventually I’ll have to do it on my own. Thanks for breaking down your baby steps, I think I’ll talk to my occupational therapist about breaking down my own.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yay! Oh wow, I’m so excited for you! I hope it’s been going well for you! (Has it? How’ve you been?) 😊😘💗
LikeLiked by 1 person
It has been…slow. What we hoped would be a 3 month process is looking more like 8 months. Sigh. It’s taking a lot out of me physically, but mentally I’m doing better than expected! I keep making lists of things I’ll be able to do once I’m more physically stable. I have lofty plans of rock climbing and disk golf!
It’s so nice to hear from you, and I hope you’re doing well!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh wow! So cool to see you, and so fun to read your list! Yay!! 👏🏼👏🏼❤️💗😁. I’m so glad you’re doing well; physical self-care, of course, you know the drill 😉. But that mental/emotional health is super-important, and I’m glad you’re doing so well 🌷💪🏼🌟🏆
I’m doing pretty well, most of the time 😊. Our elderly kitty passed away 2 weeks ago, but we saw that coming, and he’d had a really happy life, with lots of love, and he lived a lot longer and happier than he’d been expected to, and his passing was really peaceful, so I’m relieved for him. I just started a Masters program today (😳😳😂), and we’re adopting 2 little kittens from a fellow AS blogger and good friend in less than 2 weeks, so April is kicking my butt lol 😂. But it’s all good. Staying busy keeps me out of trouble 😉😘. Keep rocking the world, luv! 👍🏼💗💜💙
LikeLike
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat, but congrats on the kittens! Our boys are 7 now, but I remember when they were tiny (they were only a pound!) and they were so cute and so much fun.
Also congrats on going back to school! What will your masters be in? I got into the bachelor’s I was hoping for, so hopefully I’ll be graduating in 2021 with a degree in technical writing!
So glad to hear that things are good for you, and I hope you post some kitten pictures soon!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww, your kitties sound wonderful! 😍. Kitties really are fun. They rock! 💗
My Masters is in nutrition and integrative medicine 😁. It’s one of my “special interests” 😉
Congrats on beginning your degree program, too! That’s awesome, and technical writing sounds really fun! Best of luck to you, my lovely! I’m looking forward to following you along your journey 😁💗
Yep, I’ll post some kitten pictures ASAP; we pick them up in about a week and a half 😍💓💓
Sounds like things are going well for you too! May the force be with you 😁💖💪🏼🌟
LikeLiked by 1 person
““it’s winter! Hibernate already!” – These are my thought exactly! My brain and body just don’t seem to want to “do” what I tell them. I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself though; you’re doing amazingly well & have just done a fab blog post, and I totally agree with you finding (like with the key issue) that it’s all about baby steps. Sending love and hugs from a cold UK your way xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much, dear one 💗. I know the feeling you describe! Your kind words mean so much to me. Sending love and hugs from the western side of the pond 😘😘🤗🤗💗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy to have you back! Also so honored that you will be one of my contributing authors. Your messages are powerful!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I’m having the similar issue—Trying to do new things. Writing more. Welcome back, Laina.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you! It’s comforting to know that we’re not alone. How’ve you been? 💖🌟😘
LikeLike
I’ve been okay. Up and down.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hear that, my dear one ❤️. I’m in a similar boat. I hope you feel more up than down soon! 😘💗🌺
LikeLike
Thank you! ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘😘❣❣
LikeLike
Hi Laina, thanks for sharing and it’s great to read that you were courageous and able to do some self-reflecting in order to rise from below. So proud of you and anyone who can do so! 😊💜
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you bunches, dear one! Your encouraging words of support mean so very much to me 😘💗🌸
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome 💜😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
This made me laugh 😊 I can totally relate to how difficult it could be to incorporate changes in your life but baby steps is the way to go! You go girl 🎉😘🙌
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, dear! 😁. So happy to bring you a smile 🤗. I really appreciate your warm words! So reassuring and encouraging 💓. You are amazing! 💕🌟💕🌟💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks and you too 💕💕💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 😘😘💜💙🍀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
SOUNDS LIKE A VERY LOGICAL AND DETAILED PLAN OF ACTION. SHOULD YOU GET SOME MEDICAL INPUT, OR IS THAT ETCHED IN STONE? GREAT READ–BEAR WITH IT’S LENGTH–VERY INFORMATIVE AND ENCOURAGING TO WE WHO SUFFER FROM OTHER CONDITIONS!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you thank you! 😘❤️💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amazing post, very well written. I am happy to become a follower to your blog.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you very much! 🙂 I’m really happy that you like the post and the blog 😀 I really appreciate that! ❤
LikeLike
You are welcome Liana.
I have recently posted a blog on my website and would love to have your valuable comments as you are a brilliant writer yourself.
Cheers!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I love your poetry style, and I appreciate your very kind words! 😊👍🏼❤️
LikeLike
It is a pleasure! Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice to see you back, I too love true crime documentaries X
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you luv! OMG I rescued this from my spam folder. Dang WordPress! Grrrrr….. Lol 🙂 Nice to see you too, girl! Mmmm….true crime documentaries…. 😉 ❤
LikeLike
Thank you so much for the mention! 😊💗
LikeLike
I like to do baby steps too but often I jump into huge leaps, overwhelm myself and then go backwards so you are wise to do baby steps. And for the record true crime tv show IS exercise if you are yelling at the tv and have anxiety that surges through your body. I call that a good cardio work out!!!! At least that is what I am calling my Olympic games watching.
We will be celebrating our 21 years together this year…I think…maybe it’s 22. And I will be 46. I’ve got ya beat girl by 6 years!!!!!!!! I’m your elder!!!!!! LOL. Ok I think I need more sleep. 2 hours did not cut it!
LikeLiked by 4 people
You’re right on! Lol yes, I like the way you think, especially with regard to the TV hollering exercise! 😀 OMG congratulations on your upcoming anniversary! That’s soooo cool how you’ve been together for so long ❤ Hehe can I be your little sister?? 😉 Sleep well, my lovely! (Although you're hilarious on little sleep lol) 😀 Xxx ❤
LikeLike
It’s official. You are now my little sister!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awwww!!! Yay!!!! Thank you so much 😘🤗❤️🤗😍
LikeLiked by 1 person
Btw, have you been doing any more videos? I can’t find the channel on my youtube. But that isn’t unusual !!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I haven’t in a while, but I’m hoping to again 😁. My computer has been getting really squirrelly; it’s outdated and I hate updating lol 😂😳😂💓💓
LikeLike
My computer…i think it’s from like 1996! The monitor doesn’t even pick up half the pictures I take so I hear ya! Thankfully i use my little ipad
LikeLiked by 1 person
You take such amazing pictures! The iPads have gotten good, for sure 👍🏼. But it takes a good eye to spot what would be a great picture, and girl, you’ve got it 😁😘❤️😍💓
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘😘😘😘😘😘thank you thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome, dear friend 😘😘😘😘❤️❣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for the mention, my lovely ❤ ❤
LikeLike
Good to see you again dearest!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you very much, my lovely! The feeling is mutual 😘❤️💗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sending you heaps of love from New Zealand. You really are inspirational and so strong. You explain things so well and behind your wonderful ability to make me laugh in parts, you are able to show your vulnerability too. You can so do this. Will you keep us informed of how you get on, hey, you never know, you might make a new friend there too, remember, most folks have some sort of demon they are fighting inside their heads. The fact that you are so self aware and can find the time to teach us through your writing is flipping marvelous in my opinion. xx You go girl. xx ps, 45 is worse than 40 😉 xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Awww thank you so much, luv! Your words are so encouraging to me 😊❤️. I certainly will keep y’all posted! Ahhh, NZ! I would love to visit someday; just saw the “Aerial New Zealand” show on TV, and it’s positively gorgeous! So true about those inner demons; I seem to have a gaggle of them lol 😉😉🌺
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Creative Writing Reblogged.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you thank you! 😁💜
LikeLike
very much in the same situation right now, but struggling against inertia. I know what I have to do, how etc. but I’ve rather just sink into my inner life and ignore it all.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I totally, totally hear you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💓
LikeLike
Good for you for making the effort to get healthier! I haven’t worked out in a few months, but for some reason I picked up almost the same pace. I’ve stopped again though, because I need a gym partner to help motivate me into going.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much, Sarah! I can totally relate; you’re not alone! 😘. Good for you for the efforts you’ve made! And for realizing your needs. We’ll just keep going, one day at a time 😁🌺💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
You actually motivated me to go exercise again 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
That rocks! 😊👏🏼👏🏼. You go, girl! Wishing you all the best of luck 🍀❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you ☺️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
[ My Asperger’s/autistic Operating System did not come with a Culinary Special Interest (or even a Culinary Skills) app in any way, shape, or form. File Under: Not Happening (*Sigh*). It’s a fact of life I’ve begrudgingly accepted.] Neither did mine but I believe my brain had a very good reason to remove that program. Also that being the case did keep me motivated to make friends with those that do have that skill set and generally cooks in restaurants are male. Nothing like going fishing with an acquaintance take said fish to your friend to have him gut it and then the other one to cook it my operating system may not know to interact with nt women but men omg they were so easy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“my operating system may not know to interact with nt women but men omg they were so easy.”
Yes! Me too. Growing up, I had mostly guy friends. I had a few girl friends, but always just 2 or so at a time. Only when I found out about the AS did I start making more female friends lol. Spectrum females are pretty cool! 😊. Spectrum males are interesting; I have several who are awesome friends, while others turned out to be kinda creepy 😧. NT females are just plain confusing to me (with a few wonderful exceptions!) 🌷
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sweet were you like emojis it I see it is more a personal preference I prefer to use adjectives oh my gosh spelling is a nightmare with audio processing disorder I didn’t realize that my coping mechanism for spelling at school was just purely memorization.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Adjectives are awesome, too! I find people might still take what I say the wrong way (I’m not as skilled in adjectives as I am in Emojese (lol)), but even if I’m not as good at using adjectives, I definitely understand others using them. For me it gets easier with time, as I get to know the person and their demeanor and personality and whatnot 😁
LikeLike
So I going to set us up for success our interactions will be as blog buddies who comment due to a similarity or understanding and for me I will find inspiration to post a blog because writing take a lot of time and energy for me so it easier because I have so much to say is most of my responses to your comments will just be my next blog post and I will reply the title of the post to read for reasons you will know. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sweet! Are you referring to the Land of Confusion post? Oh wow, I really enjoyed that one! I like your viewpoint and your writing style 😁💓
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand the silent wave it is like ok I’m good this seems to working not anxious but then all of sudden ok now I feel like it’s expected like if I keep doing it then something may happen that may be unpleasant so before I get to wrapped up because either I or the other person has expectations poof I am gone. I know you will be back but interaction will be much more sporadic. (How close am I) with my totally projecting myself on you?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, yes, I know these feelings (at least my version of them) so well 💓. I often feel similar pressures; my personal solution is to do the best I can, and leave it at that 💞. I have no expectations of anyone else in terms of blogging and interaction, simply because those expectations are not mine to have 💜. The same goes for friends, especially when the friendship is new; I just sort of roll with what comes 💚. My own interaction can be a bit sporadic at times, but that doesn’t have much to do with how I feel towards the other person, it has much more to do with my own time constraints and energy levels at the time. Some days I have the time and energy, and some days I don’t, but that’s just me and it’s not a reflection of how I feel about others 💓. Personally, I think you’re doing fine 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well since this is new I have no expectations of myself yet, yet being the operative word. The next couple of blogs I will be writing will probably be more about my dysfunctional mothers, my dad had a type, unfortunately, that type was Narcissistic. Trying to clear out the cobwebs of my past and when you just don’t have the ability to make any sort of commitment because of the commitment obligation that you have is the max amount you are willing to take on, because dammit I need to take care of myself for once in my life. First time I have been in a stable long-term relationship. I refuse to fuck it up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good for you, girl 👍🏼👍🏼. I’ve found blogging to be amazingly therapeutic, personally. It feels really good to clear it out, get it gone. I feel lighter afterward, and it even helps me process it all. Doing it publicly also helped me realize that I’m not alone, so it’s been a major source of support 💓
I am really, really sorry that you had to deal with a narcissistic mother 💐. From what I’ve heard, that just plain sucks 💞. Self-care becomes extra important 🌺🌷
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, like the sentiment in NF song Therapy Session if you haven’t heard it I would recommend it also I found the song Let you Down very reflective, until next time take care of you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cool! Thank you so much for the song recommendations 😊. I’m going to check those out! 👍🏼💗
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have another song suggestion that I relate to you might like it Alice Merton No Roots especially the line ask me where I came from I say a different land
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sweet! Thank you bunches! I’ll definitely look that one up 😁💓
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Autism Candles.
LikeLike