Adventures in awkward [autistic poetry]

Today was another day in which I felt inspired to “rewrite” my own “lyrics” to an existing song.  I’ve been working a lot, including most of the day today, and yet, an obscure little song whispered out to me, first nibbling around the edges, then growing more incessantly, until I got home this afternoon, at which point it consumed my core.

Today’s “lyrics” stem from the concept of my Asperger’s/autism and the ever-present reality of Overwhelm.  It’s a near-daily “adventure” (read: battle), especially when my energy supply has largely been depleted at work, I come home to a hollering elderly semi-senile kitty (whom I love dearly and am thoroughly dedicated to, but whose reality includes literally 15-18 feedings in a 24-hour period and a very mouthy nature), then not having quite enough time to recharge on the couch before my partner gets home and begins his usual banging around the apartment….

….Yeah, the song itself (which is a haunting, folksy, bluesy, dreamy “goth country/Americana” tune called “A Stranger and His Wife” (ad-free video on YouTube) by Alexis Smith & Joe Henson), coupled with the actual lyrics of the song, coupled (again) with my “lyric rewrite”… pretty captures my desire to hide away from the world, followed by the larger realization that often, I don’t feel like I even fit anywhere in it…  This particular piece was written 10-15 minutes ago.  I did have fun writing it. 🙂

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My world sometimes is semi-surreal
Floating in my thoughts and
I’m not sure how to hold hands
Always unsure of how I feel
I speak in a language
That no one can understand
Except for me

Some days are bright and some are gloom
I just feign indifference
And mirror what I see as I look around
Hide away up in my room
Away from all the people
Who talk and yell and come around
Too close to me

I’m never sure just what to say
What so naturally comes to them
Remains an eternal mystery
I’d like to think I made your day
But what would I do then
It’s not like I’m making history
It’s just what’s inside of me

I’m not cut out for this earth
My day and night are my own
And I never fit my name
One day I’ll be one with dirt
Life and death are overblown
But the world is never quite the same
Just let me be

Now hanging out in peace and quiet
Nobody’s around me
Life is but a dream
Maybe someday I’ll join the riot
But for now silence surrounds me
Though nothing’s what it seems
Inside of/except for me

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Written Tue 2.13.2018 ~17.45-18.00

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(Image Credit: Josephine Wall)

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