Sharing: 5 Easy Steps to Deal with Negative People [Mental Health Monday Bonus]

Laina Eartharcher,

This is an absolutely incredible post. Eric is one of the few mental health writers who actually makes practical, helpful recommendations. (A lot of the other stuff we read in magazines and such is simply fluff that leaves us in no better shape than we were before we started reading it.). But Eric’s Make It Ultra blog is different. This post is the perfect example of how and why. Awesome read, well worth the mere few minutes it’ll take. :)) ❤

Dr. Eric Perry’s Blog

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate

Audio version available | Click here

“You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” ~Joyce Meyer

1. Recognize and accept their toxicity
First and foremost, it is important to identify and accept that someone we know is a negative person. This can be difficult, especially when the person is someone we care about. Either way, we must be careful not to allow their negativity to transfer onto us. We need to accept that negativity is toxic and will only breed more negativity. It is especially important to avoid complainers. People who complain have given up hope that their actions can make any difference. We must be careful not to enable complainers by always listening to their woes.

2. Stop playing savior and/or problem solver
As human beings, we are wired to connect. For most of us, it is in our nature to lend a compassionate ear to someone who is…

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Published by Laina Eartharcher

Feet on the ground, eyes toward the sky.

9 Comments

  3. Hi Laina,
    I am again in the awkward and uncomfortable situation to express my not at all positive thoughts, as I am genuinely stupefied, flabbergasted and outraged reading this Joyce Meyer mottoed (who is selling “Christian” positivity for at least $100.000.000 a year), appeal to anti-negativity, having the following concerns:

    1.Is it fair to label people whom might have become negative and complaining that life for them may have become a living hell, as toxic, avoid them, don’t listen to them even if they are “someone you care about”(????????) and even if these could be signs of severe depression?
    2.Is it fair to do not be compassionate, don’t be nice, don’t be helpful with “someone who is in need” (????????), don’t play the “saviour” with someone for whom you might be the last straw of hope, because they’re “negative”, and therefore beyond hope?
    3.After Identifying (based on what criteria?) and subsequently labelling someone as “negative”, you should be looking around and find the other “negatives” which “surround” each other, forming a pack of negatives?
    4.When Mark Twain thought about “arguing with fools” he actually wanted to say “convince a negative person about something positive” but didn’t find the right words?
    5.If you can’t avoid all negative people, make sure to stay emotionally away from them, as sympathy for their possible tragedies or misery of life, might lure you into trying to help them?

    What I’m still looking for is the exact, detailed definition for “positivity” and/or “negativity” just to make sure I know which is the opposite of the other and/or vice-versa…
    My major problem with this “MA, PhD Candidate” backed “easy steps” in actually labelling someone as “negative”, is that all along my ongoing Mental Health academic training and complex professional career, I’ve been constantly reminded the following, forgotten by the way by Joyce Meyer and her positivistic humbug (I am a Theology graduate, unfortunately well aware of JM):
    -Do not be judgemental; you never know what the people you judge have gone through. I always think of Job, the “negative and complaining” martir, suffering actually without any humanly understandable cause (Job 3)
    -Do not ever judge anyone as beyond hope, as hope dies only with it’s subject
    -Sometimes the only negative voice in the crowd is the one which should be listened to, as in the story of the prophet Micaiah the son of Imlah (1 Kings 22) who was hated for never saying anything good, but unfortunately for those never listening to him, he was right to the letter
    -Just because someone is constantly complaining and negative e.g. about the fact that “tele-evangelists” like Joyce Meyer are becoming multimillionaires while multimillion children around the world just can’t be positive about eating dry grass and drinking parasite infested water, does not make them “negativists”, just plain realists
    -Regardless of how “positive” someone may be about their own “positivity” they might be really, really WRONG; if you don’t believe, just study history

    And just to make sure I’ve done my homework as thoroughly as possible, I’m including EC’s “Disclaimer” which could be found under the “Policies” of his blog, which I think should be included right after his MA, PhD Candidate title, and at the end of every step he calls “easy”:
    “Disclaimer
    The materials and content contained in this website are for general information only and are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users of this website should not rely on the information provided for their own health needs. All specific questions should be presented to your own health care provider. In consideration for your use of and access to this website, you agree that in no event will MakeItUltra™ be liable to you in any manner whatsoever for any decision made or action or non-action taken by you in reliance upon the information provided through this website.” https://makeitultrapsychology.wordpress.com/disclaimer/

    In conclusion, I’ll take his advice:

    “Users of this website should not rely on the information provided…”

    No worries, I don’t…

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for your comments! 💖. I admire your critical thinking here 😊

      The questions and points you raise are terrific ones! It’s true – what determines toxic people? (In fact, I have a blog post idea in my notes called “who is toxic to whom?” 😊). Because it’s all relative, to a point. I might like Family Guy and George Carlin (both true), but other people might find them offensive, harsh, mean, and maybe even toxic.

      Another example: some people may see the Christian guru you mentioned as uplifting and inspirational, maybe even life-saving, while others may see them as profiteering, opportunistic, locust-like, and even toxic.

      There are people who complain a lot (I can definitely be one of them!). But I don’t consider myself toxic (although maybe some people do!). I have “brainy”/”intellectual” friends who comment a lot about society and what’s wrong with the world (my partner is that way, too, and I can be like that as well), and some might say they’re/we’re downers, depressive, and maybe toxic.

      So, who’s to say who’s toxic and who isn’t? 😊. Personally, here’s what I’ve come up with (and this is just me)…

      Anyone who is manipulative or plays head games is toxic (to me).

      Anyone who says one thing and does another, acting with purpose, in a way that ends up hurting people is toxic (in my eyes).

      Anyone who harms another, with put downs, bullying, or physical/emotional/mental assault, is toxic (in my book).

      Anyone who leaves me feeling very tired or exhausted or depressed or irritable is toxic (for me).

      And I think that those are relatively widespread, pretty agreeable.

      From there, though, I think any additional criteria or details will depend on the individual people and situations involved. 💓

      So for that article, I just thought of those who have a toxic effect on me, and plugged them into the advice mentioned in the article. I’m not Christian, nor am I rich, so I read blog posts, appreciate the advice, connect with the author themselves, and skip over any affiliate links 😉.

      In these days of über-litigation, it’s a necessary evil to have to include a crap-ton of disclaimers. Because you and I both know that there’s always someone out there who will take the best-intentioned advice the wrong way and try to hang the author, who might simply be a messenger wanting to help, or promote their material, or both. (Been there, SO many times.) And some will try to sue you, especially in the US. And all it takes is what we call a “runaway jury” to find in favor of the idiocracy and poof!–multi-million-dollar judgment against what started out as a Good Samaritan with the best of intentions. Ugh lol. 💜💓💜

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      1. Hi Laina,
        Your earnest efforts to maintain a balance are truly commendable, however, my comment stands for all its letters.
        Through my life and work I’ve seen “specialists” like the one above, and none so far changed my perspective of them, regardless of the bits of good to be found amongst what they do.
        One thing for sure, where I practice, one doesn’t use a disclaimer where their credentials are mentioned. If it does happened, it’s only when the covered area has nothing to do with their credentials, e.g. non-professional or private person opinion, which is therefore mentioned with each such material. Otherwise mentioning academic credentials between the title/name and published/posted materials enforces a moral/ethical, credentials related responsibility.
        Having said that, I maintain my opinion that I would never, neither as a professional, nor as a private person, ever entertain such an attitude, which is exactly what I would call toxic, by all means…
        Because in the end, after reading that stuff, I realise that someone is labelling me as negative, complaining, beyond hope, to be avoided at all cost and toxic, etc, just because oftentimes I have to take a stand for the so many wrongs in our lives and environments, and complain against these things which are themselves negative, not me…
        And it does hurt…

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        Reply

Please feel free to add your thoughts! I do my best to respond to each comment (even if it takes me a bit sometimes) :)