(My) autism and renewing

I’m still in a region best described as “taiga”, which is one notch “warmer” than the tundra.  I’m enjoying my deep-freeze days with two of my best offline friends, and as always, the days are slipping by too fast.  (Thus, I realize that I’ve been slow in replying to comments and getting to read the posts of others, and it’ll be that way for another week or so, for which I apologize.)

However, I Thought I’d take a few minutes and share some Thoughts with the WordPressverse… (smiling).

Some of these thoughts may be jumping the gun by a few days, but I can’t be sure that I’ll be able to blog about them at the appropriate time, and blogging about them afterward once I’m settled back home might be a mite awkward, so…

This year, I can almost palpate the impending close of one year and the dawning of another.  This year, it’s not sneaking up on me.

I’ve been waiting for this for a while.  I remember last year how many were cursing 2016 as their Year From Hell.  Although that wasn’t my experience, I could sympathize.

This year, I can Empathize.  My 2017 will be given a boot in the arse on the way out the door.

But that’s neither here nor there.  I find it important to look behind to determine where I’ve been and get my bearings in the present, for the present is rooted in the past; my past gave rise to my present, and my present is a result of my past.  Despite being a snapshot in time, it’s not frozen in time.  Time is always in motion, and the present is no different.

Although the future has not yet arrived, it’s not fruitless or useless to look forward.  I never believed in jeopardizing one’s survival and enjoyment of today in the interest of planning for what may or may not happen tomorrow, but I do accept the reality of the benefits of delayed gratification, anticipating future potential consequences of today’s decisions, and so on.

What does all of this have to do with my Asperger’s/autistic neurotype?

Oh…right…must get back on topic and try to tie this in a bow that may or may not come undone.  (Grin.)

My Asperger’s/autistic operating system came with a sparkling OverThink app, a utility that allows (compels) me to weave the extraneous threads together into something cohesive and unified, of which my mind can finally sense a resolution and make sense.  This involves piecing together the past, present, and future, and packaging it into something shiny and presentable to the rest of my brain.

And of course, there must be symbolism.  Everything, for me, must have meaning, one more significant than what appears on the surface.  Something that took cognitive power to perceive and understand.  Something that maybe not all can see.  I crave inside jokes with myself.  I’m weird that way.

The closing of one year and the opening of another carry a symbolism for me that might not be so unique, as it’s widely shared among much of the world and any walk of life, but it’s significant enough that it would understandably be something shared.

I feel an approaching sense of renewal and cleansing, much like a reset button.  And therein lies a deeper symbolism: every year for the past several, I’ve ventured out of the tropical desert and into Deep-Freeze Territory where the daylight is precious and fleeting.  Why do I do this, journey so far out of my element?

I think it’s to keep my body and brain guessing, keep them on their toes, keep them at the ready for anything.  It’s like clicking on a massive reset button for the year.  The point of traveling to a location and settling into a routine for one week out of the year that has nothing to do with my “normal” life is exactly the point: it has nothing to do with my normal life.  I can decompress, recharge, enjoy changes of scenery and pace.  I even engage in unusual (for me) activities of mild excess.

Afterward, I come home and thaw out with a renewed appreciation for the warmth (even if there’s humidity involved), my adulthood-nuclear family, and my hometown.  I’m ready to face the New Year.  I’m ready to jump back into my life and play catch-up on all I’ve missed (which yes, includes my WordPress family!)

For now, I’m both at peace with frigid windchills and warmhearted friends, and also busy with the process of wiping slates clean, packing up the hardship that was 2017, and turning my face forward toward the uncertainty and unbroken ground that awaits.

Bring on 2018!  ❤

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